appened to choose
that conveyance, and she don't fret any more.

"Will it be a stretcher on Thursday? I can see you want to put that
question, but I'll ask you to excuse me. Next Thursday, as I've already
hinted, will tell its own story, and when I say that the tale will have
a happy ending for one of us who isn't too far from your ear to boast
about it if he was inclined that way, perhaps you'll guess without my
telling you what I mean.

"Not at all, Sir. Don't mention it. I'm always glad to have a friendly
chat with anyone, and I hope you'll forgive me for refusing to talk
shop."

* * * * *

Illustration: A RESORT TO THE OBVIOUS.

MR. PUNCH. "PERMIT ME, GENTLEMEN--I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW ONE ANOTHER:
SIR EDWARD CARSON--MR. REDMOND. IT'S MORE THAN TIME YOU MET."

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)

_House of Lords, Monday, July 13._--CAMPERDOWN, like HABAKKUK, is
_capable de tout_. Can do (is at least ready to undertake) anything.
Like Lord JOHN RUSSELL, he would at an hour's notice take charge of the
British fleet, whether in Home waters or on Foreign stations. Confesses
with pathetic modesty that there are two things beyond his capacity. One
is to find a needle in a pottle of hay; the other, to discover a teller
in Division Lobby when no one proposes to tell.

To-night this last dilemma faced noble earl. Home Rule Amendment Bill
before House in Report stage. MACDONELL moved amendment introducing
principle of proportional representation. After long debate Question put
from Woolsack. There being a few cries of "Not content!" House cleared
for division.

Hereupon strange thing happened. Whilst majority of peers streamed into
Content Lobby discovery was made that not only were there no tellers for
the Not-Contents but no Not-Contents for the tellers. Fortunately
CAMPERDOWN on the spot. Instantly took charge of the affair. According
to his own narrative, which thrilled the listening Senate, he had gone
into Division Lobby, "where," he added, "I stayed a long time."

Began to realise something of the feeling of the boy who stood on the
burning deck whence all but he had fled. CAMPERDOWN essentially a man
of action. No use mooning round deserted Lobby wondering where
everybody was.

"I tried," he protested, "to find a teller for the Not-Contents, which I
was not able to do. There were no Not-Contents in t