ssed as an eighteen-pounder thirty-eight gun frigate, and Sir
Robert Laurie was appointed to command her. Our first lieutenant, Mr
William Balfour, was also rewarded by being made a commander.

Day after day passed away, and I did not hear from my wife. Dreadful
thoughts oppressed me. I began to fear that she was dead, or that, not
hearing from me, or perhaps believing me lost, she had removed from
Southsea. Indeed, I cannot describe all the sad thoughts which came
into my head, and weighed down my heart. Then the tempter was always
suggesting to me, "Why not run and learn all about the matter! What
harm is there in deserting? Many a man has done it before. Who will
think the worse of you if you do?" But I resisted the temptation,
powerful as it was. I had undertaken to serve my country, and to obey
those placed in authority over me; and I knew that their reasons were
good for not allowing me to go on shore. Still I own it was very, very
hard to bear. I had yet a sorer trial in store for me.

Things were done in those days which would not be thought of at the
present time. Men were wanted to work the ships which were to fight
England's battles, and men were to be got by every means, fair or foul.
Often, indeed, very foul means were used. While we were expecting to be
paid off, down came an order to draft us off into other ships. In spite
of the bloody battles we had fought, in spite of all we had gone
through, our prayers were not heard--we were not even allowed to go on
shore; and, without a moment's warning, I found myself on board the
_Spartite_, 74, commanded by Sir Francis Laforey, and ordered off at
once to sea. I had barely time to send a letter on shore to tell my
wife what had occurred, and no time to receive one from her. Well, I
did think that my heart would break this time; but it did not. I was
miserable beyond conception, but still I was buoyed up with the feeling
that I had done my duty, and that my miseries, great as they were, would
come some day to an end.

We formed one of a large squadron of men-of-war, under Lord Collingwood,
engaged in looking out for the French and Spanish fleets. We
continually kept the sea cruising off the coast of Spain and Portugal,
and occasionally running out into the Atlantic, or sweeping round the
Bay of Biscay. From August to September of this memorable year, 1805,
we were stationed off Cadiz to watch the enemy's fleet which had taken
shelter there,