alteena
draws a touching picture of himself in a letter accepting an
invitation: "I do hope I shall enjoy myself with you. I am fond of
digging in the garden and I am parshal to ladies if they are nice I
suppose it is my nature. I am not quite a gentleman but you would
hardly notice it but can't be helped anyhow." [Pg xii] "When the great
morning arrived Mr Salteena did not have an egg for his breakfast in
case he should be sick on the journey." For my part I love Mr Salteena,
who has a touch of Hamlet, and I wished up to the end that Ethel would
make him happy, though I never had much hope after I read the
description of Bernard Clark's legs.

It is not to be wondered at that Mr Salteena soon grew "rarther
jellous" of Bernard, who showed off from the first. "My own room is
next the bathroom said Bernard it is decerated dark red as I have
somber tastes. The bathroom has got a tip up basin." Thus was Mr
Salteena put in his place, and there the cruel authoress (with her
tongue farther out than ever) doggedly keeps him. "After dinner Ethel
played some merry tunes on the piano and Bernard responded with a
rarther loud song in a base voice and Ethel clapped him a good deal.
Then Mr Salteena asked a few riddles as he was not musicle." No wonder
Mr Salteena went gloomily to bed, not to [Pg xiii] sleep, but to think
out the greater riddle of how to become a gentleman, with which
triumphant adventure the book is largely concerned.

To many the most instructive part of the story will be the chapter
entitled "Bernard's Idear." Bernard's "idear" (warmly acclaimed by
Ethel) is that she and he should go up to London "for a few weeks
gaierty." Something of the kind has often been done in fiction and in
guide-books, but never probably in such a hearty way as here. Arrived
at the "Gaierty" Hotel Bernard pokes his head into the "window of the
pay desk. Have you a couple of bedrooms for self and young lady he
enquired in a lordly way." He is told that they have two beauties.
"Thank you said Bernard we will go up if you have no objection. None
whatever sir said the genial lady the beds are well aired and the view
quite pleasant. Come along Ethel cried Bernard this sounds alright eh.
Oh quite said Ethel with a beaming smile." He decides gallantly [Pg xiv]
that the larger room shall be hers. "I shall be quite lost in that
large bed," Ethel says. "Yes I expect you will said Bernard and now
what about a little table d'ote followed by a theat