d since I wrote the preceding
paragraph. Every day since then I have continued to pray about this
matter, and that with a goodly measure of earnestness, by the help of
God. There has passed scarcely an hour during these days, in which,
whilst awake, this matter has not been more or less before me. But all
without even a shadow of excitement. I converse with no one about it.
Hitherto have I not even done so with my dear wife. From this I refrain
still, and deal with God alone about the matter, in order that no
outward influence, and no outward excitement ay keep me from attaining
unto a clear discovery of His will. I have the fullest and most peaceful
assurance, that He will clearly show me His will. This evening I have
had again an especial solemn season for prayer, to seek to know the will
of God. But whilst I continue to entreat and beseech the Lord, that He
would not allow me to be deluded in this business, I may say I have
scarcely any doubt remaining on my mind as to what will be the issue,
even that I should go forward in this matter. As this, however, is one
of the most momentous steps that I have ever taken, I judge that I
cannot go about this matter with too much caution, prayerfulness, and
deliberation. I am in no hurry about it. I could wait for years, by
God's grace, were this His will, before even taking one single step
towards this thing, or even speaking to any one about it; and, on the
other hand, I would set to work tomorrow, were the Lord to bid me do so.
This calmness of mind, this having no will of my own in the matter, this
only wishing to tease my Heavenly Father in it, this only seeking His
and not my honour in it; this state of heart, I say, is the fullest
assurance to me that my heart is not under a fleshly excitement, and
that, if I am helped thus to go on, I shall know the will of God to the
full. But, while. I write thus, I cannot but add at the same time, that
I do crave the honour and the glorious privilege to be more and more
used by the Lord. I have served Satan much in my younger years, and
desire now with all my might to serve God, during the remaining days of
my earthly pilgrimage. I am forty-five years and three months old. Every
day decreases the number of days that I have to stay on earth. I
therefore desire with all my might to work. There are vast multitudes of
Orphans to be provided for. About five years ago, a brother in the Lord
told me he had seen in an official Report, that the