, to-day, before
Esquire Z, and you know that these matters cannot go on well with dry
throats.

MYSELF. What is the point in dispute between your neighbors?

LANDLORD. Something about swapping a horse, I believe; but it is my
opinion that both of them hardly knew what they were about, when they
made the exchange. It was last town-meeting day, and I recollect that
both of them called quite frequently at my bar that day. They are none
of your cold water folks, I assure you.

MYSELF. Are these court days generally profitable to you, landlord?

LANDLORD. Better, even, than a town meeting; for those who come on such
occasions have no qualms of conscience about drinking, if they have
occasion, I assure you. But on town-meeting days, some of the pale-faced
temperance men are always about, to frighten away honest people.

MYSELF. Do not these court occasions often lay the foundation for other
courts?

LANDLORD. Oh, very frequently: but so much the better, you know, for my
business; and so I must not complain.

Let us next call at Mr. A's, who has so fine a farm and orchard, and
every means, one would think, of independence and happiness. But hark;
there is a family dialogue going on between farmer A, his wife, and son.

SON. What; boozy so early, mother? and father too, and quarrelling, as
usual, I perceive. O, I wish our orchard were all burnt down, and the
distillery too, rather than live in such a bedlam.

MOTHER. But do you not like a little yourself, son, when eleven o'clock
comes?

FATHER. Aye, and at four, and some bitters in the morning. We are old,
you must remember, son, and require more to warm us and support nature
than you do.

SON. If you would drink only moderately, as I do, I would not complain.
For I am not one of your cold water scarecrows, I assure you. But to
have you drink half the time, is what vexes me.

What a fine picture is here, my neighbors, for the men to look at who
expect to reform the world by _moderate drinking_, without adopting the
principle of _total abstinence_.

But look at the sheriff yonder, pointing about neighbor B's house, from
which he seems to be excluded.

SHERIFF. You are too late, gentlemen; all the property is attached for
twice its value. Rum, bad bargains, and negligence, have done the
business with poor B. But I pity his wife and children most, for they
have struggled hard to prevent it.

DISTILLER. Is every thing gone? The fellow owed me two hundred dollar