'like mother, like
daughter' would turn virtue back to sin again.

"Once more I went out into the world with a light heart! Her virtue,
her strength, seemed to be mine. I went back to my work with renewed
spirit, back to my life with no new self-reproach.

"But once more I swung round the circle. With a perversity that,
dreading success, and conscious of fear, yet longs to strive for what
it dreads to win, I returned to her again. The death of her mother was
my new excuse.

"She came to me--here, as usual. But this time she came leading by the
hand her little sister, and I felt her armored against me even before
I spoke.

"You, who used to believe in a merciful God, can you explain to me why
he has left in the nature of man, created--so you believe--in His own
image--that impulse to destroy that which he loves? I loved her for
exactly what she was. I loved her because she had the courage to
resist me. Yet from each denial so ardently desired, so thankfully
received, my soul sprang up strengthened in desire. Safe above me I
worshipped her. Once in my arms, I knew, only too well, that even that
love would pass as all other emotions had done. I knew I should put
her aside, gently if I could, urgently, if I must, and pass on. That
is my Fate! Everything that enters my life leaves something I
need--and departs! For what I have not, I hunger. What I win soon
wearies me. It is the price life exacts for what it gives me.

"So, when August of this year came round, I found myself once more
standing here.

"Ten years had passed since we stood here with her between us--ten
years that had laid their richest gifts on her beauty. This time she
was indeed alone. As I looked into her face, I somehow thought of
Agamemnon's fair daughter doomed to die a virgin. You can see my
'Iphigenia' in the spring, if you chance to be in Paris.

"This time, self-knowledge deserted me. The past was forgotten. The
future was undreaded. The passion in my heart spoke without reserve
or caution! I no longer said: 'You need me! You love me!' I cried out:
'I can no longer live without you!' I no longer said, 'Come to me!' I
pleaded, 'Take me to your heart. There, where my image is, let me rest
at last. I have waited long, be kind to me.'

"I saw her sway toward me as once before she had done. It was too late
to look backward or forward. I had conquered. In my weakness I
believed it was thus ordained--that I deserved some credit for waiting
so long