f the Society of Antiquarians. Dedicated to
All Lovers of the Truth. Printed by the Ballybun Binnacle Press."

_The Curfew_ said of this fair statement of the evidence (with the
original documents, mind you) that it smacked of German scholarship
and their graveyard style of doing things. My blood boiled at this,
and to keep me cool my niece, who lives with me, pulled down all the
blinds, as the sun was strong.

An old fish-woman passing by saw this and said, "Well, well, the poor
old fellow's gone at last! A decent man in his time, with no taste in
fish! We must all come to it." From her the news spread forty miles
on either side of her and reached the Editor of _The Curfew_ in the
middle of a philippic. Next morning I was astounded to read in his
editorial columns: "Our distinguished neighbour and friend--if he will
allow us to call him so--is now no more; in other words is gone ... as
VIRGIL remarks ... famous antiquarian ... scrupulous and methodical,
and, as we remarked in our last issue, reminiscent of the palmy days
of the best German monumental scholarship ... our slight differences
never affected the esteem in which we held him as a patriot, citizen,
ratepayer and Man...."

Now this was kindly and fair. I have written to my worthy friend and
have proposed to dedicate to him my forthcoming work (non-partisan) on
the "Slant Observable in Some Church-Spires, Part I." When he had to
unbury me, war had to be resumed--it was his side that insisted upon
it--but as far as the two chieftains are concerned it is a war without
bitterness. He now introduces his attacks with "Our honoured and able
antiquarian friend"; while my answers breathe such sentiments as "The
genial editor of that well-conducted organ."

* * * * *

[Illustration: FOOD VALUES IN OUR RESTAURANTS.

_Customer._ "WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST FOR TO-DAY, MISS?"

_Waitress_ (_late of Girton_). "WELL, SIR, ROAST MUTTON, TWO
VEGETABLES AND SWEETS WILL GIVE YOU THE NECESSARY PROTEIN, CALORIES
AND CARBO-HYDRATES."]

* * * * *

AS YOU WERE.

"Blow to Narkets. Rise of nearly 400 points. Cotton jump.
Germany's note breaks the market."

_Liverpool Echo, Feb. 1._

"Blow to Markets. Fall of nearly 400 points. Cotton slump."

_Same Paper, Later Edition._

In spite of this sensational transformation of a jump into a slump
we are glad to see that typographically at any rate the mar