-boys are William. Miss Pether arrives with her pad and
pencil and glides swiftly and noiselessly to her seat and looks up
with a face in which mingle eagerness, intelligence, loyalty and
knowledge of her attainments.

"_To Messrs. Promises & Brake_, says the business man,--_Gentlemen
comma the pipes at my house were not properly mended by your man
yesterday comma and there is still a leakage comma which is causing
both damage and inconvenience full stop Please let me have comma in
reply to this comma an assurance that someone shall be sent round at
once dash in a taxi comma if necessary full stop. If such an assurance
cannot be given comma I shall call in another firm and refuse to
pay your account full stop. Since the new trouble is due to your
employee's own negligence comma I look to you to give this job
priority over all others full stop. My messenger waits full stop. I am
comma yours faithfully comma._ Let me have it at once and tell the boy
to get a taxi."

II.

None of the plumbers sent any men.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE BROTHERS TINGO, WHO ARE EXEMPTED FROM MILITARY
SERVICE, DO THEIR BIT BY HELPING TO TRAIN LADIES WHO ARE GOING ON THE
LAND.]

* * * * *

"In some courts the carrying of matches has been regarded as a
light offence, but this will not be the case in future."--_Irish
Times._

We note the implied rebuke to the jester on the Bench.

* * * * *

SONGS OF FOOD-PRODUCTION.

II.

Mustard-and-Cress in Mayfair,
Belgravia's Winter Greens;
None so nicely as _they_ fare
Save Cox's Kidney Beans;
Mustard-and-Cress in boxes,
Greens in the jardiniere,
And a trellis of Beans at Cox's,
Facing Trafalgar Square.

Lady Biffington's daughters
Are mulching the Greens with Clay;
Lady Smiffington waters
The Mustard-and-Cress all day;
And Cox's cashiers (those oners!)
Are feeling extremely rash,
For they're pinching the tips of the Runners
As they never would pinch your cash.

Mighty is Mayfair's Mustard,
The Cress is hardy and hale;
Belgravia's housemaids dust hard
To keep the dust from the Kale;
But Cox's cashiers look solemn,
For their Beans (which sell by the sack)
Would cover the Nelson Column
If they didn't keep pinching them back.

* * * * *

"WEATHER AT HEALTH RESORTS.