ngs, and fly away?
Grew my affection less? No, never!
To tell the truth, I'm bound to say
I fondly loved you more than ever!

With him--the man who was my friend--
It's pretty clear you got on badly;
Your ribs, somehow, seem prone to bend,
Your silken dress seems wearing sadly.
It's very hard, I know, to part,
And sentimental feelings smother,
But even though it break my heart,
I'm going, next week, to get another.

* * * * *

EPITAPH ON A PLATE OF VENISON (_a suggestion, at the service of those
who collect menu cards_).--"Though lost to sight, to memory deer!"

* * * * *

HISTORY AS SHE IS WROTE!

Last week the _St. James's Gazette_ published an article
proving that the Bastille, so far from being a gloomy prison,
was the most delightful of hotels. This historical record has,
however, caused no surprise in 85, Fleet Street, because the
following extract from a very old diary has for years been
awaiting publication. The time has now arrived for it to see
the light.

GAY MOMENTS AT THE ANCIENT BAILEY.

[Illustration]

_Newgate, September 29, 17--_.--Got up with the assistance of my
valet, and held my customary _levee_. The Governor of the place asked
my permission to enter my luxuriously furnished apartments, to show me
an amusing set of irons that had been discovered in one of the cells
used during the last two hundred years for the storage of fire-wood.
The droll things were called the "Little Ease," and seemingly, were
intended to create merriment. One of the officers was complacent
enough to assume them, and caused great diversion by his eccentric
gestures. My _levee_ was not quite so successful, as is generally the
case, as that tedious old gossip, GUIDO FAUX, obtained admission. As
usual he had a grievance. It appears that a report has got abroad that
he was executed in the days of our late lamented Monarch, JAMES THE
FIRST of Great Britain, and SIXTH of Scotland. Says GUIDO, "If this be
believed by the multitude there will be a demand for my expulsion, and
what shall I do if I be turned out?" Condoled with him, and escaped
his importunities by joining with Master JOHN SHEPPARD, and Squire
TURPIN in a game of "Lorne Ten Hys," a recreation recently introduced
by my good neighbour Monsieur CLAUDE DU VAL. Failed in making a goal,
and put out thereat. However, regained my usual flo