h I addressed myself to the master, who,
for a suitable gratification, was prevailed upon to weigh anchor that
same night; so that, embarking without delay, I soon bid eternal adieu to
my native country. It was not from reason and reflection that I took
these measures for my personal safety; but, in consequence of an
involuntary instinct, that seems to operate in the animal machine, while
the faculty of thinking is suspended.

To what a dreadful reckoning was I called, when reason resumed her
function! You may believe me, my friend, when I assure you, that I
should not have outlived those tragedies I acted, had I not been
restrained from doing violence upon myself by certain considerations,
which no man of honour ought to set aside. I could not bear the thought
of falling ingloriously by the hand of an executioner, and entailing
disgrace upon a family that knew no stain; and I was deterred from
putting an end to my own misery, by the apprehension of posthumous
censure, which would have represented me as a desponding wretch, utterly
destitute of that patience, fortitude, and resignation, which are the
characteristics of a true Castilian. I was also influenced by religious
motives that suggested to me the necessity of living to atone, by my
sufferings and sorrow, for the guilt I had incurred in complying with a
savage punctilio, which is, I fear, displeasing in the sight of Heaven.

These were the reasons that opposed my entrance into that peaceful
harbour which death presented to my view; and they were soon reinforced
by another principle that sanctioned my determination to continue at the
servile oar of life. In consequence of unfavourable winds, our vessel
for some days made small progress in her voyage to Holland, and near the
coast of Gallicia we were joined by an English ship from Vigo, the master
of which gave us to understand, that before he set sail, a courier had
arrived from Madrid at that place, with orders for the corregidore to
prevent the escape of any native Spaniard by sea from any port within his
district; and to use his utmost endeavours to apprehend the person of Don
Diego de Zelos, who was suspected of treasonable practices against the
state. Such an order, with a minute description of my person, was at the
same time despatched to all the seaports and frontier places in Spain.

You may easily suppose how I, who was already overwhelmed with distress,
could bear this aggravation of misfortune and