speak to _him_,
I shall feel his breath on my voice, his warmth against my breast. And I
shall obey this visible will which comes running to me, springing from
the smiling house-fronts, falling from the sky padded with pink.

We are drawing near to my lodgings.

Still this street, where the gracious wind dances for its own pleasure.
A few moments, and we shall be leaving each other.

Leaving each other...?

Ah, I know now what to say. I know what the will of a little while ago
wanted, and my life and his life. I am going to find the words....

"Listen. I have been thinking. Don't let us part again. Never. It is I
who am asking you. Let us live together ... I cannot say anything else,
that sums up everything, it is everything, to live together. Is it
love?... I don't know yet ... but I know we ought to live together, and
you, you know it too."

My voice is thick and has the taste of tears; it scrapes in my dry
throat, it won't come out. He takes my two hands, draws me close to him,
his gaze caressing my eyes which strain to escape. With his body he
supports my rigid, awkward body, which struggles hard to remain upright
and does nothing but tremble.

* * * * *

The street has disappeared, the sound of the universe, the setting sun
which in a golden glory celebrates our sacred betrothal.

From under my closed eyelids I no longer perceive anything but a heavy
black pendulum with impetuous strokes, which beats against my breast and
henceforth regulates our joint existences....

IX

My family was exultant.

Behold me returned to "proper" life, from which I had so long been
absent, by the massive trap-door of marriage.... I took on a value in
their reassured eyes, I became a somebody, and in the ardor of the first
moment they had the impression that they completely forgave me.

They were exultant. They sent a charming gown to my lodgings and
apprised me that a big dinner was being arranged to give my future
husband the chance to become acquainted. In spite of my repugnance I was
caught in the cog-wheels. The joy of seeing my mother again made me pass
over everything indulgently.

It was she who ruined the whole business. Could I not see her disdainful
attitude towards a man's poverty, her terrorized submission to the
world's judgment? "You know, you are supposed to be coming back from
England, we have even given details, don't contradict us...." And the
quasi-respect with whi