te| (_shuddering_): Stop! Pierre, stop!
Maybe a girl is waiting for him too--

|Pierre|: 'Twas either him or me |Celeste|:
Thank God, not you!

|Pierre| (_pointing to the church_): Come, let us burn the candle that
you vowed.

|Celeste|: Two candles!

|Pierre|: Who's the other for?

|Celeste|: The Cloud!

_Oliver Herford._

CONSTANCY

"You gave me the key of your heart, my love;
Then why do you make me knock?"
"Oh, that was yesterday, Saints above!
And last night--I changed the lock!"

_John Boyle O'Reilly._

AIN'T IT AWFUL, MABEL?

It worries me to beat the band
To hear folks say our lives is grand;
Wish they'd try some one-night stand.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

Nothin' ever seems to suit--
The manager's an awful brute;
Spend our lives jest lookin' cute.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

Met a boy last Tuesday night,
Was spendin' money left and right---
Me, gee! I couldn't eat a bite!
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

Then I met another guy--
Hungry! well, I thought I'd die!
But I couldn't make him buy.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

Lots of men has called me dear,
Said without me life was drear,
But men is all so unsincere!
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

I tell you, life is mighty hard,
I've had proposals by the yard--
Some of 'em would 'a had me starred.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

Remember that sealskin sacque of mine?
When I got it, look'd awful fine--
I found out it was a shine.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

Prima donna's sore on me;
My roses had her up a tree--
I jest told her to "twenty-three."
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

My dear, she went right out and wired
The New York office to have me "fired";
But say! 'twas the author had me hired.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

I think hotels is awful mean,
Jim and me put out of room sixteen--
An' we was only readin' Laura Jean.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

The way folks talk about us too;
For the smallest thing we do--
'Nuff to make a girl feel blue.
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

My Gawd! is that the overture?
I never will be on, I'm sure--
The things us actresses endure,
Ain't it awful, Mabel?

_John Edward Hazzard._

WING TEE WEE

Oh, Wing Tee Wee
Was a sweet Chinee,
And she lived in the town of Tac.
Her eyes were blue,
And her curling queue
Hung dangling down her back;
And she fell in love wit