said my father, 'thank God I never committed that--how awful must
be the state of a person who has committed the sin against the Holy
Ghost! I can scarcely think of it without my hair standing on end;' and
then my father and his friend began talking of the nature of the sin
against the Holy Ghost, and I heard them say what it was, as I sat with
greedy ears listening to their discourse.
"I lay awake the greater part of the night musing upon what I had heard.
I kept wondering to myself what must be the state of a person who had
committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, and how he must feel. Once or
twice I felt a strong inclination to commit it, a strange kind of fear,
however, prevented me; at last I determined not to commit it, and having
said my prayers, I fell asleep.
"When I awoke in the morning the first thing I thought of was the
mysterious sin, and a voice within me seemed to say, 'Commit it;' and I
felt a strong temptation to do so, even stronger than in the night. I
was just about to yield, when the same dread, of which I have already
spoken, came over me, and, springing out of bed, I went down on my knees.
I slept in a small room alone, to which I ascended by a wooden stair,
open to the sky. I have often thought since that it is not a good thing
for children to sleep alone.
"After breakfast I went to school, and endeavoured to employ myself upon
my tasks, but all in vain; I could think of nothing but the sin against
the Holy Ghost; my eyes, instead of being fixed upon my book, wandered in
vacancy. My master observed my inattention, and chid me. The time came
for saying my task, and I had not acquired it. My master reproached me,
and, yet more, he beat me; I felt shame and anger, and I went home with a
full determination to commit the sin against the Holy Ghost.
"But when I got home my father ordered me to do something connected with
the farm, so that I was compelled to exert myself; I was occupied till
night, and was so busy that I almost forgot the sin and my late
resolution. My work completed, I took my supper, and went to my room; I
began my prayers, and, when they were ended, I thought of the sin, but
the temptation was slight, I felt very tired, and was presently asleep.
"Thus, you see, I had plenty of time allotted me by a gracious and kind
God to reflect on what I was about to do. He did not permit the enemy of
souls to take me by surprise, and to hurry me at once into the commission
o
|