any time so unseasonable, as when it lighteth on those that might
expect a harvest of their careful and painful labors. He that is once
wounded must needs feel smart, till his hurt is cured, or the part hurt
become senseless. But cure I expect none, her majesty's heart being
obdurate against me; and be without sense I cannot, being of flesh and
blood. But, say you, I may aim at the end. I do more than aim; for I see
an end of all my fortunes, I have set an end to all my desires. In this
course do I any thing for my enemies? When I was at court, I found them
absolute; and therefore I had rather they should triumph alone, than
have me attendant upon their chariots. Or do I leave my friends? When
I was a courtier, I could yield them no fruit of my love unto them; and
now that I am a hermit, they shall bear no envy for their love towards
me. Or do I forsake myself because I do enjoy myself? Or do I overthrow
my fortunes, because I build not a fortune of paper walls, which every
puff of wind bloweth down? Or do I ruinate mine honor, because I leave
following the pursuit, or wearing the false badge or mark of the shadow
of honor? Do I give courage or comfort to the foreign foe, because I
reserve myself to encounter with him? or because I keep my heart from
business, though I cannot keep my fortune from declining? No, no, my
good lord; I give every one of these considerations its due weight; and
the more I weigh them, the more I find myself justified from offending
in any of them. As for the two last objections, that I forsake my
country when it hath most need of me, and fail in that indissoluble duty
which I owe to my sovereign, I answer, that if my country had at this
time any need of my public service, her majesty, that governeth it,
would not have driven me to a private life. I am tied to my country by
two bonds; One public, to discharge carefully and industriously that
trust which is committed to me; the other private, to sacrifice for it
my life and carcass, which hath been nourished in it Of the first I am
free, being dismissed, discharged, and disabled by her majesty. Of the
other, nothing can free me but death; and, therefore, no occasion of my
performance shall sooner offer itself but I shall meet it half way.
The indissoluble duty which I owe unto her majesty is only the duty
of allegiance, which Imnever have nor never can fail in. The duty of
attendance is no indissoluble duty. I owe her majesty the duty of an
earl,