as the brave FISK of the bully 9th.

"MARIAR," said I, addressin' Mrs. GREEN, and tippin' over her pan of
dish-water so she coulden't wet my close, "yer 'aven't (hic!) tode the
mark as 'er troo (hic!) wife orter. I can't (hic!) 'ave any more of yer
(hic!) darn foolin'. Will yer (hic!) 'bey yer 'usband like a (hic!) man,
in the futer?"

I raised the hoss-whip to give her a good blow. She caught it on a fly
with both hands, as I lade down on the floor to convince my wife I was
in earnest in what I said.

Well, LEWIS, I remember feelin' as if I was put into a large bag with a
lot of saw logs, and was bein' viteally shoot up. I could also
distinguish my wife, flyin' about as if she had taken a contract for
thrashin' a lot of otes, and haden't but a few minnits to do it in, and
somehow I got it into my head that I was the otes.

I went to sleep in a cloud of hosswhips--hair and panterloon buttons
rapt up in a dilapidated soot of close.

When I awoke, I looked as if that Dutch millingtery Company had been
usin' me for a target, substitootin' my nose for the bull's eye.

I imejutly come to the conclusion, that to successfully buck agin
Lager-beer, was full as onhealthy as tryin' to get a seat in H. WARD
BEECHER'S church on Sunday mornin's, afore all the Pew-holders had got
in.

When you want an asilum to flee to, come to Skeensboro.

Altho' you have got the ship of State stuck in the mud, I think I can
get you a canal bote to run, where you can earn your $115.00 a month,
provided your wife will do the cookin' for the crew.

This is better than bein' throde onto the cold, cold charities of the
world, especially where a man has got the gout, for anything cold in apt
to bring on the pain and make him pe-uuk.

Hopin' that in the futer, as you grow older, you may lern wisdom by
cultivatin' my acquaintance--and with kind regards to UGEEN and bub
BONYPART, in your native tung I will say:

_Barn-sure, noblesse Pea-cracker._

Ewer'n, one and onseperable,

HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,

_Lait Gustise of the Peece._

* * * * *

Bunsby's War Paint.

Napoleon's chances are not great
If German facts are true;
But if he finds not Paris Green
Hell make the Prussian Blue.

* * * * *

Remark by a Bandsman.

Once upon a time the French Horn was a famous instrument, but now,
considering the retreating strategy of the French leaders, it appears to
be s