f the war, when you left UGEENY for Nancy,
that, like your Unkle, you made a bad go.

When the old man stuck to JOESFEEN he was a success.

Empires--Kingdoms--Pottentates and Hottentots, took the first train and
skedaddled, when the General sot his affeckshuns on their territory.

The BOURBONS fled and come over here and settled in Kentucky, and
commenced makin' whiskey, payin' a tax of $2.00 per gallon, and sellin'
the seductive flooid for $1.50 per gallon, gettin' rich at that, which
may surprise you, altho' it doesen't our Eternal Revenoo Offisers, who,
as Mr. ANTONY remarked of H. BEECHER STOW when she stabbed Lord Byron,
"are all _honorable_ men."

Finally BONYPART went back on JOSEFEEN, which made Mrs. B. scatter a few
buckets of tear drops.

Said your Unkle:

"What's the use of blubberin' about it? Cheer up and be a man. I belong,
body, sole and butes, to France, who says my name must be perpetuated.
You, JOSEFEEN, must pick up your duds and look for another
bordin'-house, for you can't run the Tooleries any longer."

He then sent to Chicago and got a ten dollar devorce, and married MARIAR
LOUISER, arter which he become a played-out institootion, employin' his
time walkin' _in solo_ with his hands behind him, gazin' intently on the
toes of his butes, and wonderin' if they was the same ones which had
histed so many roolers off of their thrones.

In view of the past, you should have stuck to UGEENY, who, I understand,
is good lookin' and sports a pretty nobby harness.

The charms of Nancy may make your Imperial mouth water, but let an old
statesman, who has served his country for 4 years as Gustise of the
Peece, say to you, "Don't be a fool if you know anything."

Another reason of your unsuccess is that Lager is a hard chap to fite
agin. I tried it once.

A Dutch millingtery company visited Skeensboro a few years since, for a
target shoot, bringin' a car lode of lager-beer and a box of sardeens
for refreshments.

I, bein' at that time Gustise, was on hand to help perserve the peece.

Lager, they told me, wasen't intoxicatin. I histed in a few mugs. I
woulden't just say that I got soggy, but I felt like a hul regiment of
Dutch soljers on general trainin' day.

It suddenly occurred to me that Mrs. GREEN had been puttin' on rather
too many airs lately, and I would go in and quietly remind her that I
was boss of the ranch.

Pickin' up a hoss-whip, I "shouldered arms," and entered the kitchen as
bold