daughter. She was attending St. Timothy's School, at
Catonsville, Maryland, and Mr. Clemens promised her to see her
graduate. He accordingly made the journey from New York on
June 10, 1909, and delivered a short address.

I don't know what to tell you girls to do. Mr. Martin has told you
everything you ought to do, and now I must give you some don'ts.

There are three things which come to my mind which I consider excellent
advice:

First, girls, don't smoke--that is, don't smoke to excess. I am
seventy-three and a half years old, and have been smoking seventy-three
of them. But I never smoke to excess--that is, I smoke in moderation,
only one cigar at a time.

Second, don't drink--that is, don't drink to excess.

Third, don't marry--I mean, to excess.

Honesty is the best policy. That is an old proverb; but you don't want
ever to forget it in your journey through life.

TAXES AND MORALS

ADDRESS DELIVERED IN NEW YORK, JANUARY 22, 1906

At the twenty-fifth anniversary of the founding of Tuskeegee
Institute by Booker Washington, Mr. Choate presided, and in
introducing Mr. Clemens made fun of him because he made play
his work, and that when he worked hardest he did so lying in
bed.

I came here in the responsible capacity of policeman to watch Mr.
Choate. This is an occasion of grave and serious importance, and it
seems necessary for me to be present, so that if he tried to work
off any statement that required correction, reduction, refutation, or
exposure, there would be a tried friend of the public to protect the
house. He has not made one statement whose veracity fails to tally
exactly with my own standard. I have never seen a person improve so.
This makes me thankful and proud of a country that can produce such
men--two such men. And all in the same country. We can't be with you
always; we are passing away, and then--well, everything will have to
stop, I reckon. It is a sad thought. But in spirit I shall still be with
you. Choate, too--if he can.

Every born American among the eighty millions, let his creed or
destitution of creed be what it may, is indisputably a Christian--to
this degree that his moral constitution is Christian.

There are two kinds of Christian morals, one private and the other
public. These two are so distinct, so unrelated, that they are no more
akin to each other than are archangels and poli