y, but I could not
avoid falling into a debauch to drown my misfortunes, and shift the
scene of misery that was continually before my eyes."

* * * * *

"The next night I was at the gaming-house. I went there in better than
usual spirits. I saw, I thought, a change in fortune, and hailed that as
the propitious moment of my life, when I was to rise above my present
misfortunes.

"I played and won--played and lost--played and won, and then lost again;
thus I went on, fluctuating more and more, until I found I was getting
money in my pocket. I had, at one moment more than three hundred pounds
in my pocket, and I felt that then was my happy moment--then the tide of
fortune was going in my favour. I ought to have left off with that--to
have been satisfied with such an amount of money; but the demon of
avarice seemed to have possessed me, and I went on and on with
fluctuating fortune, until I lost the whole of it.

"I was mad--desperate, and could have destroyed myself; but I thought of
the state my wife and child were in; I thought that that night they
would want food; but they could not hurt for one day--they must have
some, or would procure some.

"I was too far gone to be able to go to them, even if I were possessed
of means; but I had none, and daylight saw me in a deep sleep, from
which I awoke not until the next evening let in, and then I once more
determined that I would make a desperate attempt to get a little money.
I had always paid, and thought my word would be taken for once; and, if
I won, all well and good; if not, then I was no worse off than before.

"This was easy to plan, but not to execute. I went there, but there were
none present in whom I had sufficient interest to dare make the attempt.
I walked about, and felt in a most uncomfortable state. I feared I
should not succeed at all, then what was to become of me--of my wife and
child? This rendered me almost mad. I could not understand what I was to
do, what to attempt, or where to go. One or two persons came up, and
asked me if I were ill. My answers were, that I was well enough. Good
God! how far from the truth was that; but I found I must place more
control on my feelings, else I should cause much conversation, and then
I should lose all hope of recovering myself, and all prospect of living,
even.

"At length some one did come in, and I remarked I had been there all the
evening and had not played. I had an invitati