if collaring him at football, he knocked
off his hat, propelled him into the car, banged the door, mounted, and
started at full speed, with Blink leaping and barking in front of them.

Debouching from Piave Parade into Bottomley Lane he drove up it till the
crowd was but a memory before he stopped to examine the condition
his master. Mr. Lavender was hanging out of window, looking back, and
shivering violently.

"Well, sir," said Joe. "I don't think!"

"Joe," said Mr. Lavender that crowd ought not to be at large. They were
manifestly Huns.

"The speakin's been a bit too much for you, sir," said Joe. "But you've
got it off your chest, anyway."

Mr. Lavender regarded him for a moment in silence; then putting his hand
to his throat, said hoarsely:

"No, on my chest, I think, Joe. All public speakers do. It is
inseparable from that great calling."

"'Alf a mo'!" grunted Joe, diving into the recesses beneath the
driving-seat. "'Ere, swig that off, sir."

Mr. Lavender raised the tumbler of fluid to his mouth, and drank it
off; only from the dregs left on his moustache did he perceive that it
smelled of rum and honey.

"Joe," he said reproachfully, "you have made me break my pledge."

Joe smiled. "Well, what are they for, sir? You'll sleep at 'ome
to-night."

"Never," said Mr. Lavender. "I shall sleep at High Barnet; I must
address them there tomorrow on abstinence during the war."

"As you please, sir. But try and 'ave a nap while we go along." And
lifting Blink into the car, where she lay drenched and exhausted by
excitement, with the petal of a purple flower clinging to her black
nose, he mounted to his seat and drove off. Mr. Lavender, for years
unaccustomed to spirituous liquor, of which he had swallowed nearly
half a pint neat, passed rapidly into a state of coma. Nor did he fully
regain consciousness till he awoke in bed the next morning.

IV

INTO THE DANGERS OF A PUBLIC LIFE

"At what time is my meeting?" thought Mr. Lavender vaguely, gazing at
the light filtering through the Venetian blind. "Blink!"

His dog, who was lying beside his bed gnawing a bone which with some
presence of mind she had brought in, raised herself and regarded him
with the innocence of her species. "She has an air of divine madness,"
thought Mr. Lavender, "which is very pleasing to me. I have a terrible
headache." And seeing a bellrope near his hand he pulled it.

A voice said: "Yes, sir."

"I wish to see my servant