venworth was not only found, but was
about to be arrested in my house, and that if they wished to hear
the confession which would be sure to follow, they might have the
opportunity of doing so by coming here at such an hour. They were both
too much interested, though for very different reasons, to refuse; and
I succeeded in inducing them to conceal themselves in the two rooms from
which you saw them issue, knowing that if either of them had committed
this deed, he had done it for the love of Mary Leavenworth, and
consequently could not hear her charged with crime, and threatened
with arrest, without betraying himself. I did not hope much from the
experiment; least of all did I anticipate that Mr. Harwell would prove
to be the guilty man--but live and learn, Mr. Raymond, live and learn."

XXXVIII. A FULL CONFESSION

"Between the acting of a dreadful thing,
And the first motion, all the interim is
Like a phantasma or a hideous dream;
The genius and the mortal instruments
Are then in council; and the state of a man,
Like to a little Kingdom, suffers then
The nature of an insurrection."
--Julius Caesar.

I AM not a bad man; I am only an intense one. Ambition, love, jealousy,
hatred, revenge--transitory emotions with some, are terrific passions
with me. To be sure, they are quiet and concealed ones, coiled serpents
that make no stir till aroused; but then, deadly in their spring and
relentless in their action. Those who have known me best have not known
this. My own mother was ignorant of it. Often and often have I heard
her say: "If Trueman only had more sensibility! If Trueman were not so
indifferent to everything! In short, if Trueman had more power in him!"

It was the same at school. No one understood me. They thought me meek;
called me Dough-face. For three years they called me this, then I turned
upon them. Choosing out their ringleader, I felled him to the ground,
laid him on his back, and stamped upon him. He was handsome before
my foot came down; afterwards--Well, it is enough he never called me
Dough-face again. In the store I entered soon after, I met with even
less appreciation. Regular at my work and exact in my performance of it,
they thought me a good machine and nothing more. What heart, soul, and
feeling could a man have who never sported, never smoked, and never
laughed? I could reckon up figures correctly, but one scarcely needed
heart or soul for that. I co