ths I had already spent on the
place, Beryl had never been absent for a single day, and now that
presence which had rendered the hardest of toil sweet, and irradiated
the norm of the daily round with a glow that seemed hardly of earth--to
myself, that is--was now removed. Yet the sun shone just as brightly
and the generous riches of Nature expanded around with the same fairness
to eye and sense; but--to myself--all lay as beneath the shadow of a
cloud.

Many times a day would I recall the keenness of the pang when she had
told us of her intention to remain in the town for the present. The
announcement was made in the presence of several persons, or there was
no telling how I might have taken it. As it was, I have a confused
recollection of turning on a vacuous grin, and hoping she would enjoy
her stay; which was about as idiotic a rejoinder as even I could have
been guilty of, considering that a state of anxious suspense would be
the family portion for perhaps weeks to come. Well, she had removed her
presence from among us, and to me it seemed that all the savour had gone
out of life. And if this was so during a matter of days or weeks, what
would it mean if extended throughout life?

This consideration had rather a maddening effect. Why had I not boldly
tried my chances before, instead of shilly-shallying around until the
opportunity had passed? Our acquaintance was no longer a thing of a
day, and as for circumstances, others had started in life--or in a new
line, which amounts to the same thing--under far fewer advantages,
material, physical or prospective, than I enjoyed, and had made a good
thing of it. That hideous and constitutional reticence of mine had
stood in the way, I now saw; yet even then I had been on the point of
putting matters to the test on the very day before the tragical event
which seemed to have changed the whole course of our daily life, when
that infernal Trask had blundered his obtrusive presence in upon us,
according to his wont. Now it was too late. Obviously under present
circumstances the time would be in the highest degree unfavourable.

I have a recollection, too, at that period, of going through sundry
phases of insanity. For instance, I would sit for quite a long time,
when in the company of others, and say nothing; the fact being that I
was simply giving the rein to thought, of course only in the one
direction. Of this phase I was cured, mainly through the agency of the