it before?"

"How could I till the year was over? Was I not obeying you in keeping
that accursed promise? God knows I have made many blunders, but I think
the most senseless was that promise; the most short-sighted, that
belief. What right had I to fetter my tongue, or try to govern love?
Shall I ever learn to do my own work aright, and not meddle with the
Lord's? Sylvia, take this presumptuous and domineering devil out of me
in time, lest I blunder as blindly after you are mine as I have before.
Now let me finish before Mark comes to find us. I went away, you know,
singing the farewell I dared not speak, and for nine months kept myself
sane and steady with whatever my hands found to do. If ever work of mine
is blessed it will be that, for into it I put the best endeavor of my
life. Though I had renounced you, I kept my love; let it burn day and
night, fed it with labor and with prayer, trusting that this selfish
heart of mine might be recast and made a fitter receptacle for an
enduring treasure. In May, far at the West, I met a woman who knew
Geoffrey; had seen him lately, and learned that he had lost you. She was
his cousin, I his friend, and through our mutual interest in him this
confidence naturally came about. When she told me this hope blazed up,
and all manner of wild fancies haunted me. Love is arrogant, and I
nourished a belief that even I might succeed where Geoffrey failed. You
were so young, you were not likely to be easily won by any other, if
such a man had asked in vain, and a conviction gradually took possession
of me that you _had_ understood, _had_ loved, and were yet waiting for
me. A month seemed an eternity to wait, but I left myself no moment for
despair, and soon turned my face to Cuba, finding renewed hope on the
way. Gabriel went with me, told me how Ottila had searched for me, and
failing to find me had gone back to make ready for my coming. How she
had tried to be all I desired, and how unworthy I was of her. This was
well, but the mention of your name was better, and much close
questioning gave me the scene which he remembered, because Ottila had
chidden him sharply for his disclosures to yourself. Knowing you so
well, I gathered much from trifles which were nothing in Gabriel's eyes.
I felt that regard for me, if nothing warmer, had prompted your interest
in them; and out of the facts given me by Faith and Gabriel I built
myself a home, which I have inhabited as a guest till now, when I kno