ft to live for.

* * * * *

"Johannesburg tramway men started a lightning strike on
Thursday owing to the suspension of a conductor."--_Daily
Paper._

It seems a logical reason.

***

"Do not waste any time in entering for our 'Hidden' Geography
Competition."

_Daily Paper._

Thanks for the advice; we won't.

***

"LINACRE LECTURE.--Dr. Henry Head, F.R.L., 'Aspasia and
Kindred Disorders of the Speech.'"--_Cambridge Calendar._

Yet this is the lady who is supposed to have inspired the most famous
of PERICLES' orations.

***

"Furnished Railway Carriage in Surrey garden to Let; 3 beds;
company's water, gas-cooker, and light: 2gs. weekly."

_Daily Paper._

Miss DAISY ASHFORD seems to have foreseen this development when she
wrote of _Mr. Salteena's_ "compartments."

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE RELUCTANT THRUSTER.

MR. ASQUITH (_performing the function of a battering-ram_). "I CONFESS
THAT AT MY TIME OF LIFE I SHOULD HAVE PREFERRED A MORE SEDENTARY IF
LESS HONORIFIC SPHERE OF USEFULNESS."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Profiteer (after trying a variety of patterns without
success)._ "WELL, IT LOOKS PRETTY 'OPELESS WHEN THEY WON'T 'AVE A GOLD
FLY. WHAT DO THEY EXPECT--DIAMONDS?"]

* * * * *

THE PERSONAL TOUCH.

(_By our tireless Political Penetrator._)

For some time past, I understand, the Government has been considering
steps to bring the personalities of Cabinet Ministers more prominently
into the public eye. "We are not sufficiently known," said Sir WILLIAM
SUTHERLAND, who has the matter in hand, "as living palpitating figures
to the man in the street. We do not grip the nation's heart. We lack
pep."

I told him that it was a pity about pep. I felt that the Government
ought to have pep. and plenty of it. If possible they ought to have
vineg. and must. too.

"You are right," he said. "Occasional paragraphs in the Press,
snapshots which take us very likely with one leg stuck out in front
as if we were doing the goose-step, rare provincial excursions and
bouquets from admiring mill-girls are all very well in their way, but
they are nothing to constant personal appearances at stated times
and in stated places before an admiring mob. The heroes of sport are
overshadowing us," he continued with a sigh, pu