hy, if tha's getten two tickets tha mud as weel gie me one, an' aw'll
goa hooam an' get donned, an' we'st be company.'

'Bith' heart, lad, aw wish tha wod; aw dooant care bein my share towards
a quairt if tha'll goa, but awm feeard we'st be lat; doesn't ta think
them clooas tha has on'll do?'

'Nay, tha sees mi britches knee is brussen.'

'Ne'er heed, aw'l leearn thi mi kerchy, an' then as sooin as tha's
getten set daan tha can spreead it ovver thi knees, an' nobdy'll iver
know owt abaat it.'

'Well, if tha doesn't mind aw dooant, for a chap had better have a hoil
in his clooas nor a hoil in his karracter, soa let's try to find this
place. Sithee! what does that sign say 'at's hingin' aght o' th' charmer
winder?'

'Nay, Seth, tha knows awm noa reader, an' besides aw havn't mi specks,
but what does ta mak it into?'

'Well, ther's a Hess, an' a Hay, an' a Hell, an' two Hoes, an' a Hen,
what does that spell?'

'Nay, aw connot tell, but it'll nooan be what we want awm sewer o' that,
for thear's noa hens abaat thear.'

'Ha hens, lumpheead! It's th' letter N aw sed.'

'Litter hen! why aw nivver heeard o' sich o' thing; aw've heeard o' pigs
havin litters but nivver hens, we call 'em cletches.'

'Tha gets less sense, Dick, ivvery day, aw do think. Doesn't ta
understand? Ther's a Hess, an' a Hay, an' a Hell, an' two Hoes, an' a
Hen, an' that spells saloon, or else aw've forgetten my algibra.'

'Well, well, happen it does; tha's noa need to get soa cross-grained
abaat it; if tha goes on like that aw'll gie th' ticket to somdy else,
nah mark that.'

'Tha can gie it to who the duce tha's a mind, Dick; awm nawther beholden
to thee nor to thi ticket, soa crack that nut!'

'Well, tha's noa need to be soa chuff. Here's th' ticket an' mi kerchy,
an' nah tha con follow clois to me an' we'll goa up stairs. Aw con hear
some mewsic bi nah, come on.'

Just as they oppened th' door all th' singers wor standin up to begin.

'Dooant stand up for th' sake o' us,' sed Dick, 'get on wi' yer mewsic,
we can caar daan onywhear.' Iverybody laff'd when Dick sed soa, an' as
they didn't know what they wor laffin at they thowt it wor at Seth's
britches.

'Yo've noa need to laff,' sed Seth, 'aw've some better at hooam.'

'Silence! silence!' bawled aght a lot o' fowk; an' when all wor quiet,
th' chap at th' far end began shakkin a bit ov a stick 'at he had, an'
Seth sed, 'Tha's noa need to shak thi stick at me,' but what he sed
beside