ows into the
declaration-scene quite disconcerts me_;" _i.e._, "Preposterous old
pump-handle!"

"_Well, I'm sure I don't know what we should do without You! You put us
all right_;" _i.e._, "Fussy old idiot! Once spoke to MACREADY, and
fancies himself no end of a Manager."

TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS.

"_Champagne. Grand Vin. Special Brand. Cuvee Reservee, 1874. Offered at
28s. the Dozen. Only a few dozen of this magnificent wine are left_;"
_i.e._, A dangerous home-manufactured compound of apple and gooseberry,
that could not be safely offered even at a funeral.

"_The 'Indian Sunrise' Rheumatic Vinegar, distilled in the far East from
the choicest Oriental herbs_;" _i.e._, Some stuff made in Shoreditch of
common blue vitriol and turpentine.

OVER THE BABY.

"_Oh, how like!_" _i.e._, "Like?--Yes, like every other baby."

* * * * *

WEEK BY WEEK.

_Wednesday._--_Mr. Punch_ appears. Up and out early. Rejoicings.
Banquets to Mr. STANLEY generally.

_Thursday._--Old Half-Quarter Day, New Style. Anniversary Dinner, at the
Goose and Serpent, of First Night Theatrical-Wreckers' Club. Mrs.
SNOOKS' Dinner, to meet Mr. STANLEY.

_Friday._--Nothing particular, except meeting Mr. STANLEY.

_Saturday._--Close time for Salmon in Serpentine begins. Mrs. NEMO'S
first dance with Mr. STANLEY.

_Sunday._--Everyone in Hyde Park to meet Mr. STANLEY. Rev. Dr.
HONEYMAN'S Sermon to Mr. STANLEY. Museums closed. Flowers open, free.

_Monday and Tuesday._--Much as usual. To meet Mr. STANLEY.

_General Forecast._--Weather unsettled at first. More so afterwards.
N.E.E. Gales to meet Mr. STANLEY. Snow, followed by violent Cyclones,
unless dry, warm, and 91 deg. in the shade. Depression over the whole of the
British Dominions.

_Wednesday._--Depression entirely relieved by appearance of _Mr. Punch_.
Rejoicings all day. Squibs, Fireworks at night. In the evening, Somebody
meets Mr. STANLEY.

[Illustration: SUGGESTIONS FOR PICTORIAL DIRECTORY.

Cromwell Row'd S.W.]

* * * * *

Lady HENRIETTA SHIMMERS' long-talked-of Dance came off yesterday
evening, at her _recherche_ little mansion in North-west Bayswater, and
was a great success. A handsome second-hand slip of Dutch carpet was
laid down on the pavement outside the Hall-door, and from an early hour
in the afternoon afforded a theme for much favourable comment in the
immediate neighbourhood. The staircase had been, with t