to assist to undress her
upon occasion: but from the moment she entered the dining-room with so
much intrepidity, it was absolutely impossible to think of prosecuting my
villanous designs against her.

***

This, this, Belford, was the hand I made of a contrivance from which I
expected so much!--And now I am ten times worse off than before.

Thou never sawest people in thy life look so like fools upon one another,
as the mother, her partners, and I, did, for a few minutes. And at last,
the two devilish nymphs broke out into insulting ridicule upon me; while
the old wretch was concerned for her house, the reputation of her house.
I cursed them all together; and, retiring to my chamber, locked myself
in.

And now it is time to set out: all I have gained, detection, disgrace,
fresh guilt by repeated perjuries, and to be despised by her I doat upon;
and, what is still worse to a proud heart, by myself.

Success, success in projects, is every thing. What an admirable
contriver did I think myself till now! Even for this scheme among the
rest! But how pitifully foolish does it now appear to me!--Scratch out,
erase, never to be read, every part of my preceding letters, where I have
boastingly mentioned it. And never presume to rally me upon the cursed
subject: for I cannot bear it.

But for the lady, by my soul, I love her. I admire her more than ever!
I must have her. I will have her still--with honour or without, as I
have often vowed. My cursed fright at her accidental bloody nose, so
lately, put her upon improving upon me thus. Had she threatened ME, I
should have soon been master of one arm, and in both! But for so sincere
a virtue to threaten herself, and not to offer to intimidate any other,
and with so much presence of mind, as to distinguish, in the very
passionate intention, the necessity of the act, defence of her honour,
and so fairly to disavow lesser occasions: showed such a deliberation,
such a choice, such a principle; and then keeping me so watchfully at a
distance that I could not seize her hand, so soon as she could have given
the fatal blow; how impossible not to be subdued by so true and so
discreet a magnanimity!

But she is not gone. She shall not go. I will press her with letters
for the Thursday. She shall yet be mine, legally mine. For, as to
cohabitation, there is no such thing to be thought of.

The Captain shall give her away, as proxy for her uncle. My Lord will
die. M