he way, you call it a conjuring trick that
poor people should drink moderately.

DOCTOR. I call it a chemical discovery that alcohol is not a food.

SMITH. You don't drink wine yourself?

DOCTOR. [_Mildly startled._] Drink wine! Well--what else is there to
drink?

SMITH. So drinking decently is a conjuring trick that you can do,
anyhow?

DOCTOR. [_Still good-humouredly._] Well, well, let us hope so. Talking
about conjuring tricks, there is to be conjuring and all kinds of things
here this afternoon.

SMITH. Conjuring? Indeed? Why is that?

_Enter_ HASTINGS _with a letter in each hand._

HASTINGS. His Grace will be with you presently. He asked me to deal with
the business matter first of all.

[_He gives a note to each of them._

SMITH. [_Turning eagerly to the_ DOCTOR.] But this is rather splendid.
The Duke's given L50 to the new public-house.

HASTINGS. The Duke is very liberal.

[_Collects papers._

DOCTOR. [_Examining his cheque._] Very. But this is rather curious. He
has also given L50 to the league for opposing the new public-house.

HASTINGS. The Duke is very liberal-minded.

[_Exit._

SMITH. [_Staring at his cheque._] Liberal-minded!... Absent-minded, I
should call it.

DOCTOR. [_Sitting down and lighting a cigar._] Well, yes. The Duke does
suffer a little from absence [_puts his cigar in his mouth and pulls
during the pause_] of mind. He is all for compromise. Don't you know the
kind of man who, when you talk to him about the five best breeds of dog,
always ends up by buying a mongrel? The Duke is the kindest of men, and
always trying to please everybody. He generally finishes by pleasing
nobody.

SMITH. Yes; I think I know the sort of thing.

DOCTOR. Take this conjuring, for instance. You know the Duke has two
wards who are to live with him now?

SMITH. Yes. I heard something about a nephew and niece from Ireland.

DOCTOR. The niece came from Ireland some months ago, but the nephew
comes back from America to-night. [_He gets up abruptly and walks about
the room._] I think I will tell you all about it. In spite of your
precious public-house you seem to me to be a sane man. And I fancy I
shall want all the sane men I can get to-night.

SMITH. [_Rising also._] I am at your service. Do you know, I rather
guessed you did not come here only to protest against my precious
public-house.

DOCTOR. [_Striding about in subdued excitement._] Well, you guessed
right. I was