, I am ready
to believe in all the feats of _Pitchoune_, and even to hope that he
will not after all be _de trop_ now that _M. le Comte_ is happily
wedded, but may have another brilliantly successful campaign in front of
him.

* * * * *

Although Mrs. PENROSE'S new novel, _Something Impossible_ (MILLS AND
BOON), gaily admits in its title its difficulties, I cannot pretend that
I consider her to have made the most of her opportunity. There are at
least two classic examples of her theme, Mr. ANSTEY'S _Vice Versa_ and
Mr. DE LA MARE'S _Return_. Mrs. PENROSE cannot approach either the
charming humour of the one or the delicate beauty of the other. On a
lower plane her story has its amusing moments, and there is a vein of
real tenderness in her picture of the relations of her hero and his
faithful lady--a happy relief after the monotonous repetition of
matrimonial infidelities dealt out to us by the average novel. It will
be a consolation also to many readers to discover that plain people are
far more popular than handsome ones and that to "have features of
classical beauty" is the most unfortunate of handicaps in the race for
comfort and success. Mrs. PENROSE, like many other women novelists, is
very cruel to her own sex and never misses an opportunity of exposing
its shallow sentiments and transient affections. But why are all
novelists of to-day so merciless to the provincial town? There must be
some pleasant people in Cathedral cities. I am weary of retired colonels
with port-stained faces, and vinegary old maids, and unctuous canons.
Mrs. PENROSE has shown in her earlier books so real a sense of beauty
and so touching a spirit of kindliness that I am bound to confess that,
with the exception of her treatment of her hero, this rather acid and
ironical piece of nonsense is a disappointment.

* * * * *

Illustration: _The Small Man._ "IF I WAS AS WELL SET UP AS YOU I'D GO
AND FIGHT FOR MY COUNTRY, _I_ WOULD!"

_The Large Man._ "NO GOOD, MATE, I'VE TRIED IT. TOLD ME AT THE WAR
OFFICE I WOULD SPOIL THE UNIFORM APPEARANCE OF ANY REGIMENT, SO I'M
WAITIN' TILL THEY RAISE A CORPS OF CINEMA GUARDS."

* * * * *

From the Emperor of AUSTRIA'S telegram to WILHELM II.:

"Words fail to express what moves me, and with me my army, in these
days of the world's history."

The word "Servia" might express what moves his army.