ginning
to get impatient.

_Her Companion._ But that shows how _interested_ they are, _doesn't_
it, dear?

_Author._ I think it _ought_ to interest them, but I _did_ expect they
would have shown a little more enthusiasm over that situation in the
last _tableau_--they're rather a _cold_ audience!

_Comp._ It's above their heads, dear, that's where it is--plays are
such rubbish nowadays, people don't appreciate a really _great_ drama
just at first. I do hope Mr. IRVING, Mr. HARE and Mr. BEERBOHM TREE
will come in--I'm sure they'll be only too _anxious_ to secure it!

_Author._ I don't know that I should care for it to come out at the
Lyceum, but of course if the terms were very--oh, they're beginning
at last! I hope this light comedy scene will go well. (_Curtain
rises: Comic dialogue--nothing whatever to do with the plot--between a
Footman and a Matinee Maidservant in short sleeves, a lace tucker, and
a diamond necklace; depression of audience. Serious characters enter
and tell one another long and irrelevant stories, all about nothing.
When the auditor remarks,_ "Your story is indeed a sad one--but go
on," _a shudder goes through the house, which becomes a groan ten
minutes later when the listener says:_ "You have told me _your_
history--now hear _mine_!" _He tells it; it proves, if possible,
duller and more irrelevant than the other man's. A love-scene follows,
characterised by all the sparkle and brilliancy of "Temperance
Champagne"; the House witnesses the fall of the Curtain with apathy._)

_Author._ That love-scene was perfectly _ruined_ by the acting! She
_ought_ to have turned her head aside when he said, "Dash the teapot!"
but she never _did_, and he left out _all_ that about dreaming of her
when he was ill with measles in Mashonaland! I wish they wouldn't have
such long waits, though. We timed the piece at rehearsal, and, with
the cuts I made, it only played about four hours; but I'm afraid it
will take longer than that to-day.

_Comp._ I don't care _how_ long it is--it's so _beautifully_ written!

_Author._ Well, I put my whole _soul_ into it, you know; but it's not
till this next Act that I show my full power. [_Curtain rises on a
drawing-room, furnished with dingy wrecks from the property-room--the
home of_ JASPER, the Villain, _who is about to give an evening party.
Enter a hooded crone._ "Sir JASPER, I have a secret of importance,
which can only be revealed to your private ear!" (_Shivers of
appre