ass-books up
Or keep our weekly Boards
Unhampered by the works of KRUPP
And all the KAISER'S swords;
At five o'clock we have our tea
And catch our usual bus--
So thank the LORD for those at sea
Who guard the likes of us.

* * * * *

THE COWARDLY CONSUMERS CO-OPERATIVE COMPANY.

The C.C.C.C. has been formed to provide for the wants of unpatriotic or
panic-stricken persons in all parts of the country.

WRITE TO US TO-DAY.

WE HAVE MADE COMPLETE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.

A FULL DINNER-TABLE FOR YOU WHILE OTHERS STARVE.

HORS D'OEUVRES.--Ensure your _hors d'oeuvres_ by allowing us to turn
your bath into a sardine tank. Your basement too should make an
excellent oyster bed. We would flood it for you.

SOUPS.--The mock turtles we supply are quite tame, and while waiting to
be made into soup should keep your children amused. We also deliver
Salted Oxtail by the furlong. Send for patterns.

FISH.--Try one of our Frozen Whales and assure your fish course for the
next six months.

JOINTS.--Sheep-folds (with sheep) supplied at shortest notice to fit
your tennis court, or you might order one of our Handy Styes, which have
accommodation for half-a-dozen pigs (congenial company) and are suitable
for erection in a corner of any flat or private residence.

SWEETS.--Our "one ton" plum puddings placed in position on your premises
by our own cranes.

* * * * *

READ OUR TESTIMONIALS.

_A Grateful Customer writes_:--"Your transformation of my boudoir
into a hen-pen is quite admirable, and enables us to face the future
with complete calm. As your circular reminds us, one feels more
comfortable about one's country when one is safe oneself."

_Another writes_:--"Many thanks for prompt attention. The
night-nursery makes an excellent cow-house, and the two cows used
the passenger-lift with perfect success."

* * * * *

WRITE US FOR QUOTATIONS FOR ANY QUANTITY OF PROVISIONS REQUIRED.

So long as the order is large enough we will execute it. No orders for
less value than L50 accepted.

_SPECIAL NOTICE._

Our Hoarding Department has prepared a neat stocking capable of holding
750 sovereigns. Please ask to see one.

* * * * *

All goods are delivered in our own heavily armoured pantechnicons.

A charming miniature White F