yment which I was not calculated for, and a
situation of great confinement, consequently disagreeable to me, after a
year's trial, during which time I spared no pains to fulfill my
engagement, I determined to quit my pupils; being convinced I should
never succeed in educating them properly. Monsieur Malby saw this as
clearly as myself, though I am inclined to think he would never have
dismissed me had I not spared him the trouble, which was an excess of
condescension in this particular, that I certainly cannot justify.

What rendered my situation yet more insupportable was the comparison I
was continually drawing between the life I now led and that which I had
quitted; the remembrance of my dear Charmettes, my garden, trees,
fountain and orchard, but, above all, the company of her who was born to
give life and soul to every other enjoyment. On calling to mind our
pleasures and innocent life, I was seized with such oppressions and
heaviness of heart, as deprived me of the power of performing anything as
it should be. A hundred times was I tempted instantly to set off on foot
to my dear Madam de Warrens, being persuaded that could I once more see
her, I should be content to die that moment: in fine, I could no longer
resist the tender emotions which recalled me back to her, whatever it
might cost me. I accused myself of not having been sufficiently patient,
complaisant and kind; concluding I might yet live happily with her on the
terms of tender friendship, and by showing more for her than I had
hitherto done. I formed the finest projects in the world, burned to
execute them, left all, renounced everything, departed, fled, and
arriving in all the transports of my early youth, found myself once more
at her feet. Alas! I should have died there with joy, had I found in
her reception, in her embrace, or in her heart, one-quarter of what I had
formerly found there, and which I yet found the undiminished warmth of.

Fearful illusions of transitory things, how often dost thou torment us in
vain! She received me with that excellence of heart which could only die
with her; but I sought the influence there which could never be recalled,
and had hardly been half an hour with her before I was once more
convinced that my former happiness had vanished forever, and that I was
in the same melancholy situation which I had been obliged to fly from;
yet without being able to accuse any person with my unhappiness, for
Courtilles real