of calculating the inequality that subsisted between her
income and her expenses. I even date from this period the beginning of
that inclination to avarice which I have ever since been sensible of.
I was never foolishly prodigal, except by intervals; but till then I was
never concerned whether I had much or little money. I now began to pay
more attention to this circumstance, taking care of my purse, and
becoming mean from a laudable motive; for I only sought to insure Madam
de Warrens some resources against that catastrophe which I dreaded the
approach of. I feared her creditors would seize her pension or that it
might be discontinued and she reduced to want, when I foolishly imagined
that the trifle I could save might be of essential service to her; but to
accomplish this, it was necessary I should conceal what I meant to make a
reserve of; for it would have been an awkward circumstance, while she was
perpetually driven to expedients, to have her know that I hoarded money.
Accordingly, I sought out some hiding-place, where I laid up a few louis,
resolving to augment this stock from time to time, till a convenient
opportunity to lay it at her feet; but I was so incautious in the choice
of my repositories, that she always discovered them, and, to convince me
that she did so, changed the louis I had concealed for a larger sum in
different pieces of coin. Ashamed of these discoveries, I brought back
to the common purse my little treasure, which she never failed to lay out
in clothes, or other things for my use, such as a silver hilted sword,
watch, etc. Being convinced that I should never succeed in accumulating
money, and that what I could save would furnish but a very slender
resource against the misfortune I dreaded, made me wish to place myself
in such a situation that I might be enabled to provide for her, whenever
she might chance to be reduced to want. Unhappily, seeking these
resources on the side of my inclinations, I foolishly determined to
consider music as my principal dependence; and ideas of harmony rising in
my brain, I imagined, that if placed in a proper situation to profit by
them, I should acquire celebrity, and presently become a modern Orpheus,
whose mystic sounds would attract all the riches of Peru.

As I began to read music tolerably well, the question was, how I should
learn composition? The difficulty lay in meeting with a good master,
for, with the assistance of my Rameau alone, I despaire