ack to bed and slept tranquilly
till morning. I know not what prenatal influence, what nature within me,
causes the delight I take in going to the brink of precipices, sounding
the gulf of evil, seeking to know its depths, feeling its icy chill, and
retreating in deep emotion. That hour of night passed on the threshold
of her door where I wept with rage,--though she never knew that on the
morrow her foot had trod upon my tears and kisses, on her virtue first
destroyed and then respected, cursed and adored,--that hour, foolish in
the eyes of many, was nevertheless an inspiration of the same mysterious
impulse which impels the soldier. Many have told me they have played
their lives upon it, flinging themselves before a battery to know if
they could escape the shot, happy in thus galloping into the abyss of
probabilities, and smoking like Jean Bart upon the gunpowder.

The next day I went to gather flowers and made two bouquets. The count
admired them, though generally nothing of the kind appealed to him. The
clever saying of Champcenetz, "He builds dungeons in Spain," seemed to
have been made for him.

I spent several days at Clochegourde, going but seldom to Frapesle,
where, however, I dined three times. The French army now occupied Tours.
Though my presence was health and strength to Madame de Mortsauf, she
implored me to make my way to Chateauroux, and so round by Issoudun and
Orleans to Paris with what haste I could. I tried to resist; but
she commanded me, saying that my guardian angel spoke. I obeyed. Our
farewell was, this time, dim with tears; she feared the allurements of
the life I was about to live. Is it not a serious thing to enter the
maelstrom of interests, passions, and pleasures which make Paris a
dangerous ocean for chaste love and purity of conscience? I promised to
write to her every night, relating the events and thoughts of the day,
even the most trivial. When I gave the promise she laid her head on my
shoulder and said: "Leave nothing out; everything will interest me."

She gave me letters for the duke and duchess, which I delivered the
second day after my return.

"You are in luck," said the duke; "dine here to-day, and go with me this
evening to the Chateau; your fortune is made. The king spoke of you this
morning, and said, 'He is young, capable, and trustworthy.' His Majesty
added that he wished he knew whether you were living or dead, and in
what part of France events had thrown you after yo