ir. For he concluded that if he tried after praying and nothing
came of it, it would prove that he had no faith, but was a castaway.
"Nay, thought I, if it be so, I will never try yet, but will stay a
little longer." "Then," he continues, "I was so tossed betwixt the Devil
and my own ignorance, and so perplexed, especially at sometimes, that I
could not tell what to do." At another time his mind, as the minds of
thousands have been and will be to the end, was greatly harassed by the
insoluble problems of predestination and election. The question was not
now whether he had faith, but "whether he was one of the elect or not,
and if not, what then?" "He might as well leave off and strive no
further." And then the strange fancy occurred to him, that the good
people at Bedford whose acquaintance he had recently made, were all that
God meant to save in that part of the country, and that the day of grace
was past and gone for him; that he had overstood the time of mercy. "Oh
that he had turned sooner!" was then his cry. "Oh that he had turned
seven years before! What a fool he had been to trifle away his time till
his soul and heaven were lost!" The text, "compel them to come in, and
yet there is room," came to his rescue when he was so harassed and faint
that he was "scarce able to take one step more." He found them "sweet
words," for they showed him that there was "place enough in heaven for
him," and he verily believed that when Christ spoke them He was thinking
of him, and had them recorded to help him to overcome the vile fear that
there was no place left for him in His bosom. But soon another fear
succeeded the former. Was he truly called of Christ? "He called to them
when He would, and they came to Him." But they could not come unless He
called them. Had He called him? Would He call him? If He did how
gladly would he run after Him. But oh, he feared that He had no liking
to him; that He would not call him. True conversion was what he longed
for. "Could it have been gotten for gold," he said, "what could I have
given for it! Had I a whole world, it had all gone ten thousand times
over for this, that my soul might have been in a converted state." All
those whom he thought to be truly converted were now lovely in his eyes.
"They shone, they walked like people that carried the broad seal of
heaven about them. Oh that he were like them, and shared in their goodly
heritage!"

About this time Bunyan was