o meet him there? I
looked wildly at my brethren and at my mother; they were all bathed in
tears, but how I envied them. They might hope to meet my father in
heaven, but how different were they from me, they had never committed the
unpardonable sin.

'In a few days my father died; he left his family in comfortable
circumstances, at least such as would be considered so in Wales, where
the wants of the people are few. My elder brother carried on the farm
for the benefit of my mother and us all. In course of time my brothers
were put out to various trades. I still remained at school, but without
being a source of expense to my relations, as I was by this time able to
assist my master in the business of the school.

'I was diligent both in self-improvement and in the instruction of
others; nevertheless, a horrible weight pressed upon my breast; I knew I
was a lost being; that for me there was no hope; that, though all others
might be saved, I must of necessity be lost; I had committed the
unpardonable sin, for which I was doomed to eternal punishment, in the
flaming gulf, as soon as life was over!--and how long could I hope to
live? perhaps fifty years; at the end of which I must go to my place; and
then I would count the months and the days, nay, even the hours, which
yet intervened between me and my doom. Sometimes I would comfort myself
with the idea that a long time would elapse before my time would be out;
but then again I thought that, however long the term might be, it must be
out at last; and then I would fall into an agony, during which I would
almost wish that the term were out, and that I were in my place; the
horrors of which I thought could scarcely be worse than what I then
endured.

'There was one thought about this time which caused me unutterable grief
and shame, perhaps more shame than grief. It was that my father, who was
gone to heaven, and was there daily holding communion with his God, was
by this time aware of my crime. I imagined him looking down from the
clouds upon his wretched son, with a countenance of inexpressible horror.
When this idea was upon me, I would often rush to some secret place to
hide myself; to some thicket, where I would cast myself on the ground,
and thrust my head into a thick bush, in order to escape from the
horror-struck glance of my father above in the clouds; and there I would
continue groaning till the agony had, in some degree, passed away.

'The wretchedness