ile you
were whispering to her?" He couldn't remember. "Now, on your oath did
you never squeeze a girl's hand?" He might have done so. "Did you
never put your arm round a girl's waist?" At last the witness owned
he might have done even that. "And now, one question, and I've done.
Did you never kiss a girl?" No answer. "Come, that's the last. After
all you've owned you needn't haggle at that; out with it, man, it
must come at last. Did you never kiss a girl?" Alas for the sake
of morality, the witness was at length obliged to own that he had
perpetrated the enormity. "And," asked Mr. O'Laugher with a look of
great surprise, "were you never proceeded against for damages? Was an
action for breach of promise of marriage never brought against you?"

No, never; the witness had never been in such a predicament.

"What, never? You who have declared, I won't say unblushingly, for
heaven knows you have blushed enough about it, but openly and on your
oath, that you have always some different object of affection, with
whom you walk, sit, talk, and whisper; whose hand you squeeze, round
whose waist you put your arm (a crime, by the by, never imputed to my
client), whom you even confess that you kiss; and yet you sit here
secure, unassailed, unsolicited for damages, unengaged, as you lead
us to suppose. What are the fathers and brothers of Connaught doing
to let such a hydra-headed monster as thou near their doors--such a
wolf into their sheep-pens? Go down, thou false Lothario. Go down,
thou amorous Turk, and remember that a day of retribution may yet
come for yourself."

The unfortunate witness hurried out of court--ran through the
pelting rain to the inn--crammed his brushes and pantaloons into the
carpet-bag in spite of damp, farmers, and burly porter drinkers--paid
a guinea for the bed in which he had never slept, and hiring a
post-car, hurried from the scene of his disgrace, regardless of the
torrents which were falling.

On the Wednesday morning, for it had been forgotten till then, a
summons was served on Hyacinth Keegan to attend as a witness at
Thady's trial, on the prisoner's behalf; and as he was living in
the town the service was quite in sufficient time, and there was no
possible means by which he could avoid the disagreeable duty which
was thus imposed upon him. He was much annoyed, however, for he
felt that there were no questions, which he could be asked on the
subject, which it would not annoy him to answer. He