If I had been nursing the hope for understanding from my old
employer, it was dead within me now. The letter cut me like a whip.

My feeling for Mrs. Sewall had developed into real affection. Her years,
her reserve, her remoteness had simply added romance to the peculiar
friendship. I had thrilled beneath the touch of her cold fingertips.
There had been moments lately when at the kindness in her eyes as they
dwelt upon me, I had longed to put my arms around her and tell her how
happy and proud I was to have entered even a little way into the warm
region near her heart. I loved to please her. I would do anything for
her except marry Breck, and she could write to me like this! She could
misunderstand! She could all but call me traitor!

Very well. With bitterness, and with grim determination never to plead
or to explain, I sent back by the next express the check-books and
papers I was working on evenings in my room, and also by registered mail
returned the bar of pearls she had once playfully removed from her own
dress and pinned at my throat. "Wear it for me," she had said. "If I had
had a daughter I would have spoiled her with pretty things, I fear.
Allow an old lady occasionally to indulge her whims on you, my dear."

I lay awake a long time that night, preparing myself for the struggle
that awaited me. I had as little chance now to obtain steady employment
as when I made my first attempt. I was still untrained, and, stripped of
Mrs. Sewall's favor, still unable to provide the necessary letters of
reference. I hadn't succeeded in making any tracks into which, on being
pushed to the bottom again, I could stick my toes, and mount the way a
second time more easily. Lying awake there, flat on my back, I was
reminded of a little insect I once watched climbing the slippery surface
of a window-pane. It was a stormy day, and he was on the outside of the
window, buffeted by winds. I saw that little creature successfully cover
more than half his journey four successive times, only to fall wriggling
on his back at the bottom again. When he fell the fourth time, righted
himself, and, dauntless and determined, began his journey again, I
picked him up bodily and placed him at the top. Possibly--how could such
a small atom of the universe as I know--possibly my poor attempts were
being watched too!

However, I didn't wait to find out. At least I didn't wait to be picked
up. The very next day I set forth for employment agencies.