FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   99   100   101   102   103   104   105   106   107   108   109   110   111   112   113   114   115   116   117   118   119   >>  
emained good friends after the romance was over. I don't know when the change in my sense of beauty took place as regards him. Anything unusual that appealed to my senses left exaggerated marks. My father once in full uniform appeared to me as a giant, so that I screamed and ran, and required much of his kindest voice to coax me back to him. Also once in the street a dancer in fancy costume struck me in the same way, and seemed in his red tunic twice the size of the people who crowded round him. I think as a child the small ground-flowers of spring took a larger hold upon me than any others:--I was so close to them. Roses I don't remember till I was four or five; but crocus and snowdrop seem to have been in my blood from the very beginning of things; and I remember likening the green inner petals of the snowdrop to the skirts of some ballet-dancing dolls, which danced themselves out of sight before I was four years old. Snapdragons, too, I remember as if with my first summer: I used to feed them with bits of their own green leaves, believing faithfully that those mouths must need food of some sort. When I became more thoughtful I ceased to make cannibals of them: but I think I was less convinced then of the digestive process. I don't know when I left off feeding snapdragons: I think calceolarias helped to break me off the habit, for I found they had no throats to swallow with. In much the same way as sights that have no meaning leave no traces, so I suppose do words and sounds. It was many years before I overheard, in the sense of taking in, a conversation by elders not meant for me: though once, in my innocence, I hid under the table during the elders' late dinner, and came out at dessert, to which we were always allowed to come down, hoping to be an amusing surprise to them. And I could not at all understand why I was scolded; for, indeed, I had _heard_ nothing at all, though no doubt plenty that was unsuitable for a child's ears had been said, and was on the elders' minds when they upbraided me. Dearest, such a long-ago! and all these smallest of small things I remember again, to lay them up for you: all the child-parentage of me whom you loved once, and will again if ever these come to you. Bless my childhood, dearest: it did not know it was lonely of you, as I know of myself now! And yet I have known you, and know you still, so am the more blest.--Good-night. LETTER LXXI. I used to st
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   99   100   101   102   103   104   105   106   107   108   109   110   111   112   113   114   115   116   117   118   119   >>  



Top keywords:

remember

 
elders
 

things

 

snowdrop

 

dinner

 

dessert

 

sounds

 

swallow

 
throats
 

sights


meaning

 

snapdragons

 

calceolarias

 

helped

 

traces

 
taking
 

overheard

 

conversation

 
suppose
 

innocence


scolded

 

childhood

 

dearest

 

smallest

 
parentage
 

lonely

 

LETTER

 

surprise

 

understand

 

feeding


amusing

 

allowed

 
hoping
 
upbraided
 

Dearest

 

plenty

 

unsuitable

 

costume

 

struck

 

dancer


street

 
spring
 

flowers

 

larger

 

ground

 

people

 

crowded

 

kindest

 
required
 
beauty