KICK FROM _You_, Sin!" [_Gets one on the
spot._]

* * * * *

"L'HOMME PROPOSE--."

[Gentlemen are now coached "How to Propose."]

[Illustration]

They sat it out upon the stairs,
Those dear old stairs! Ah me; how many
A time they've cost, all unawares,
A pretty penny!

Why they were fools enough to go
To sit on stairs, and miss the fun,
Quite baffles me; but still, you know,
It _has_ been done.

The lights were low--lights often are--
I deem the fact though worth the noting,
And strains of music from afar
Came softly floating.

So whilst she pondered what Mamma
Would think, the band commenced to play
The epidemical "_Ta-ra-_
_ra-boom-de-ay!_"

He gazed into her eyes (of blue),
Sighed once as if it hurt him badly,
Then told her how 'twas but too true
He loved her madly.

With highly creditable skill
He turned the well-worn platitude--
His own unworthiness until
You really could

Not but admire each word, each look.
His speech was quite unrivalled in its
Intensity--in fact it took
At least ten minutes.

A peroration full of flowers,
A moisture in his other eye,
And then a pause--it seemed of hours--
For her reply.

Her answer came. He thought of it,
It haunted him for long years after,
She simply burst into a fit
Of ribald laughter.

And certainly it was absurd,
She laughed till she could laugh no more;
She'd heard the same thing, to a word,
The day before.

Two tyros in the Art of Love,
Each ARABELLA's ardent suitor,
Unluckily were pupils of
The self-same tutor!

So, should you fail to understand
A maiden's answer, this may show
Why sometimes Man proposes and
The Girl says "No!"

* * * * *

SKIRTS AND FIGURES.--M. JACOBI, of the Alhambra, has composed a
"Skirt-dance," which has recently appeared in the _Figaro_. That the
skirts for which the Composer has written are brand-new, and require
no mending, is evident from the fact that, from first to last, there
is no "Skirt-sew"--in Italian, _Scherzo_--movement.

* * * * *

A ROLLICKING SHOW.

In the International Horticultural Exhibition is, as advertised, "the
Kiosk of the Australian Irrigation C