hitherto
through sharp temptations, it seems wicked, distrust of Him, not to feel
that He will save me through those to come. I know now there are some of
the great lessons of life yet to be learned; I believe I must _suffer_
as long as I have an earthly existence. Will not then God make that
suffering but as a blessed reprover to bring me nearer Himself? I hope
so.

During the winter her health had become so much impaired, that great
anxiety was felt as to the issue. In a letter to her friend, Miss Ellen
Thurston, dated April 20, 1844, she writes:

You remember, perhaps, that on the afternoon you were so good as to
come and spend with me, I was making a fuss about a little thing on
my shoulder. Well, I had at last to have it removed, and though the
operation was not in itself very painful, its effects on my whole
nervous system have been most powerful. I have lost all regular habits
of sleep--for a week I do not know that I slept two hours--and am ready
to fly into a fit at the bare thought of sitting still long enough to
write a common letter. I have, however, the consolation of being pitied
and consoled with, as there's something in the idea of cutting at the
flesh which touches the heart, a thousand times more than some severer
sufferings would do. I am getting quite thin and weak upon it, and I
believe mother firmly expects me to shrink into nothing, though I am a
pretty bouncing girl still.

Owing to some mishap the healing process was entirely thwarted, and
after a very trying summer, the operation had to be repeated. This time
it was performed by that eminent surgeon and admirable Christian man,
Dr. John C. Warren of Boston, assisted by his son, Dr. J. M. W. Dr.
Warren told Miss Payson's friend, who had accompanied an invalid sister
to New York, that he thought it would require "about five minutes;" but
it proved to be much more serious than he had anticipated. Miss Willis,
in her letter from Geneva already quoted, thus refers to it:

My next meeting with Lizzy revealed a striking trait of her character,
which hitherto I had had no opportunity of observing--her wonderful
fortitude under suffering. I was at the seashore with my sister and
family when, her little child being taken suddenly very ill in the
night, I went up to Boston by an early train to bring down as soon
as possible our family physician. On arriving at his house I was
disappointed at being told that he could not come at once, being engaged
t