to that. I do perceive at last, that,
that they did lay most like a fault to me was, that I did buy goods upon
my Lord Sandwich's declaring that it was with the King's allowance, and
my believing it, without seeing the King's allowance, which is a thing
I will own, and doubt not to justify myself in. That that vexed me most
was, their having some watermen by, to witness my saying that they were
rogues that they had betrayed my goods, which was upon some discontent
with one of the watermen that I employed at Greenwich, who I did think
did discover the goods sent from Rochester to the Custom-House officer;
but this can do me no great harm. They were inquisitive into the
minutest particulars, and the evening great information; but I think
that they can do me no hurt, at the worst, more than to make me refund,
if it must be known, what profit I did make of my agreement with Captain
Cocke; and yet, though this be all, I do find so poor a spirit within
me, that it makes me almost out of my wits, and puts me to so much pain,
that I cannot think of anything, nor do anything but vex and fret, and
imagine myself undone, so that I am ashamed of myself to myself, and do
fear what would become of me if any real affliction should come upon
me. After they had done with me, they called in Captain Cocke, with whom
they were shorter; and I do fear he may answer foolishly, for he did
speak to me foolishly before he went in; but I hope to preserve myself,
and let him shift for himself as well as he can. So I away, walked to
my flageolet maker in the Strand, and there staid for Captain Cocke, who
took me up and carried me home, and there coming home and finding dinner
done, and Mr. Cooke, who come for my Lady Sandwich's plate, which I must
part with, and so endanger the losing of my money, which I lent upon my
thoughts of securing myself by that plate. But it is no great sum--but
L60: and if it must be lost, better that, than a greater sum. I away
back again, to find a dinner anywhere else, and so I, first, to the Ship
Tavern, thereby to get a sight of the pretty mistress of the house, with
whom I am not yet acquainted at all, and I do always find her scolding,
and do believe she is an ill-natured devil, that I have no great desire
to speak to her. Here I drank, and away by coach to the Strand, there
to find out Mr. Moore, and did find him at the Bell Inn, and there
acquainted him with what passed between me and the Commissioners to-day
abou