o heavily?

*****

"Every one despises me, and will always despise me," I thought to
myself. "The way is closed for me to friendship, love, and fame! All,
all is lost!"

Why had Woloda made signs to me which every one saw, yet which could in
no way help me? Why had that disgusting princess looked at my legs? Why
had Sonetchka--she was a darling, of course!--yet why, oh why, had she
smiled at that moment?

Why had Papa turned red and taken my hand? Can it be that he was ashamed
of me?

Oh, it was dreadful! Alas, if only Mamma had been there she would never
have blushed for her Nicolinka!

How on the instant that dear image led my imagination captive! I seemed
to see once more the meadow before our house, the tall lime-trees in the
garden, the clear pond where the ducks swain, the blue sky dappled with
white clouds, the sweet-smelling ricks of hay. How those memories--aye,
and many another quiet, beloved recollection--floated through my mind at
that time!

XXIII -- AFTER THE MAZURKA

At supper the young man whom I have mentioned seated himself beside
me at the children's table, and treated me with an amount of attention
which would have flattered my self-esteem had I been able, after the
occurrence just related, to give a thought to anything beyond my failure
in the mazurka. However, the young man seemed determined to cheer me
up. He jested, called me "old boy," and finally (since none of the
elder folks were looking at us) began to help me to wine, first from one
bottle and then from another and to force me to drink it off quickly.

By the time (towards the end of supper) that a servant had poured me out
a quarter of a glass of champagne, and the young man had straightway bid
him fill it up and urged me to drink the beverage off at a draught, I
had begun to feel a grateful warmth diffusing itself through my body.
I also felt well-disposed towards my kind patron, and began to laugh
heartily at everything. Suddenly the music of the Grosvater dance struck
up, and every one rushed from the table. My friendship with the young
man had now outlived its day; so, whereas he joined a group of the older
folks, I approached Madame Valakhin to hear what she and her daughter had
to say to one another.

"Just HALF-an-hour more?" Sonetchka was imploring her.

"Impossible, my dearest."

"Yet, only to please me--just this ONCE?" Sonetchka went on
persuasively.

"Well, what if I should be ill to-morrow through all t