his share when he'd lost all his hair
And started a Sunday-school class;
If he turned his past under and used half his plunder
In running a Sunday-school class?

I wonder if Roger, the Rover,
When millions in looting he'd made,
Built libraries grand on the jolly mainland
To honor success and "free trade";
If he founded a college of nautical knowledge
Where Pirates could study their trade?

I wonder, I wonder, I wonder,
If Pirates were ever the same,
Ever trying to lend a respectable trend
To the jaunty old buccaneer game
Or is it because of our Piracy Laws
That philanthropists enter the game?
--Wallace Irwin, in Life.

THE REBEL IS INSTRUCTED IN THE WORSHIP OF THE GOD-OF-THINGS-AS-THEY-ARE

Part 1

Jeff was digging out a passage in the "Apology" when there came a knock
at the door of his room. The visitor was his cousin, James, and he
radiated such an air of prosperity that the plain little bedroom shrank
to shabbiness.

James nodded in offhand fashion as he took off his overcoat. "Hello,
Jeff! Thought I'd look you up. Got settled in your diggings, eh?" Before
his host could answer he rattled on: "Just ran in for a moment. Had the
devil of a time to find you. What's the object in getting clear off the
earth?"

"Cheaper," Jeff explained.

"Should think it would be," James agreed after he had let his eyes
wander critically around the room. "But you can't afford to save that
way. Get a good suite. And for heaven's sake see a tailor, my boy. In
college a man is judged by the company he keeps."

"What have my room and my clothes to do with that?" Jeff wanted to know,
with a smile.

"Everything. You've got to put up a good front. The best fellows won't
go around with a longhaired guy who doesn't know how to dress. No
offense, Jeff."

His cousin laughed. "I'll see a barber to-morrow."

"And you must have a room where the fellows can come to see you."

"What's the matter with this one?"

A hint of friendly patronage crept into the manner of the junior. "My
dear chap, college isn't worth doing at all unless you do it right.
You're here to get in with the best fellows and to make connections that
will help you later. That sort of thing, you know."

Into Jeff's face came the light that always transfigured its plainness
when he was in the grip of an idea. "Hold on, J. K. Let's get at this
right. Is that what