duration of the war to all females so desirin' 'em," said Justice of the
Peace Robb. "It ain't cuttin' me out of any fees," he went on,
addressing the marshal. "Fer as I c'n make out, they all want to git
married fer nothin'."

"I will be very careful how I word your remarks, gentlemen," said Editor
Squires, putting up his notebook. "Now, I'll start out and interview a
few of the prospective brides. It ought to make good reading."

Long before nightfall the sleepy village of Tinkletown was in a state of
agitation unsurpassed by anything within the memory of the oldest
inhabitant.... Along about supper time one could have heard animated
arguments rising above the clear stillness of the air, penetrating even
to the heaven which was called upon to witness the unswerving fidelity
of two opposing sexes. There was a distinct difference, however, in the
duration of this professed fidelity. Masculine voices pleaded for the
immediate justification of undying constancy, while those of a feminine
quality preferred a prolongation of the exquisite agony of suspense. In
short, the brides-elect were obdurate. They insisted on waiting, even to
the end of time, for the realization of their fondest, dearest hopes.
Several heartbroken gentlemen, preferring anything to procrastination,
threatened to shoot themselves.

[Illustration: _Several heartbroken gentlemen threatened to shoot
themselves_]

"What's the sense of doing that?" argued one middle-aged widow of a
practical turn of mind. "You can save funeral expenses by letting the
Germans do it for you."

The next day the merchants of Tinkletown--notably the Five and Ten Cent
Store and Fisher's Queensware Store--did a thriving business. From one
end of the town to the other came people returning presents that
fortunately had not been delivered, and others asking to have their
accounts credited with presents already received.

Of the twenty-odd weddings announced for the week ending June 3, 1917,
only one took place.

Mr. Otto Schultz was married on Saturday to Miss Bumbelburg. He was the
only candidate in town who was worth suing for breach of promise. Miss
Bumbelburg, having waited many years for her chance, was not to be
frightened by a Presidential proclamation. The duration of the war meant
nothing to her. She had unlimited faith in the Kaiser. When the war was
over he would come over to the United States and revoke all the silly
old laws. And she was so positive about it th