I began to see almost
from the very beginning that I hadn't any right to behave like that,
but I was obstinate.

"And then I began to get in a fright about Miss Feverel. She wouldn't
give my letters back, although I went to her and Uncle Garrett and Aunt
Clare--all of us--but it was no good--she meant to keep them and of
course we knew why. And then, too, I saw at last that I'd behaved like
an utter cad--it was funny I didn't see it at the time. But I'd seen
other chaps do the same sort of thing and the girls didn't mind, and
I'd thought that she ought to be jolly pleased at getting to know a
Trojan--and all that sort of thing.

"But when I saw that she wasn't going to give the letters back but
meant to use them I was terribly frightened. It wasn't myself so much,
although I hated the idea of my friends knowing about it all and
laughing at me--but it was the House too--my letting it down so.

"I'd been thinking about you a good bit already. You see you changed
after Aunt Clare spoke to you that morning and I began to be rather
afraid of you--and when a chap begins to be afraid of some one he
begins to like him. I got Aunt Clare and Uncle Garrett to go and speak
to Dahlia, and they couldn't get anything out of her at all; so, then,
I began to wonder whether you could do anything, and as soon as I began
to wonder that I began to want to talk to you. But I never got much
chance; you were always in grandfather's room, and you didn't give me
much encouragement, did you? and then--I began to be awfully miserable.
I don't want to whine--I deserved it all right enough--but I didn't
seem to have a friend anywhere and all my things that I'd believed in
seemed to be worth nothing at all. Then I wanted to talk to you
awfully, and when grandfather was worse and was dying I began to see
things straight--and then I saw Mary and she told me right out what I
was, and I saw it all as clear as daylight.

"And so; well, I've come--not to ask you to help me about Dahlia--but
whether you'll help me to play the game better. I wasn't always slack
and rotten like I am now. When I was in Germany I thought I was going
to do all sorts of things ... but anyhow I can't say exactly all that I
mean. Only I'm awfully lonely and terribly ashamed; and I want you to
forgive me for being so beastly to you----"

He looked wretched enough as he sat there facing the fire with his lip
quivering. He made a strong effort to control himself, but