And like an eel his bagbone squirmed, his hair god up erect,
For beoples in tobaggo-jars is tings you ton't exbect!
"Bervidious von!" she shpeak at him, zo broud as any queen,
"Pehold your homage-objects vonce--ze goddess Nigodeen!
I galls to know ze reason vy you leafs my aldars cold,
And nefer purns me incense like your bractice vas of old?"
"To bay you more resbects, I must," he plurted out, "degline,
For I'm vorshibing at bresent mit an obbosition shrine."
"And zo you makes yourzelf," she gries, "a dankless renegade
To von who, oftendimes invoked, yet nefer vailed her aid
To charm avay your lonely dimes, and soffogate your care!
If dat's your leedle games, mein vriend, dake my advice--bevare!"
"I'd gladly zend mein zoul inzide a himmeldinted gloud,
Bot as a Penedick," he zaid, "I vill not pe allowed!
I dells you vrank"--(I haf exblained he vas a vonny vellow!)--
"Mitout mein bipe, ze honnymoon shall nod daste quide so mellow!"
"Enoff!" she said, "you vatch your eye, and zee vat vill bekom!"
She bopped inzide ... he search ze jar--'twas embdy as a drom!
And zen he vipe his sbecdagles, and shtare, and rob his head,
(_Business._) And dink he'd grown too vanziful, and pedder go to bed.

[_Impressive pause, and continue in lowered voice._

Vell, next day, on ze afdernoon, his honnymoon pegan----
And Dandalus vas nodings to zat boor dormented man!
For ven he dry to giss his vife ubon her lips zo ripe--
Petween his own brojected fort a pig soobyectif bipe!
And efer more, in sbite of all ze dender vorts he zay,
Ze sbegtral image of a bipe kept gedding in his vay!
Ondill ubon ze burple sky shone out ze efening shtar--
And zen ze bipe dransform himzelf, and change to a zigar!
Bot, vorst of all, his vife vould veel no bity for his fate!
She dink it all a hombogsdrick--and zoon zey sebarate;
And benidently he redurned, and zaid to NIGODEEN:
"Forgif, and nefer more I'll pe ze vool I vonce haf peen!
I lofed my vife--but now I vind I gares for you ze most--
And I'm dired of shmoking dings vat is no pedder as a ghost!"
Zo NIGODEEN she dakes him back, begause his vife vas gone,
And now ze bipe he shmokes is _nod_ an immaderial von!
You vonder how I goms to know?--Brebare yourzelves to jomp!--
(_Sensationally._) I vas zat yong boor man meinzelf--der Herr Brofessor
BOMPP!

* * * * *

THE TRAVELLER'S VADE MECUM.