"I gather, major, that someone can't seem to
get something done."

"Precisely," says the major, moppin' a few pearly beads off his shiny
dome. "And when a regular army captain makes up his mind that a thing
can't be done--well, it's hopeless, that's all. In this instance,
however, I fear he's right, worse luck!"

"Anyway," suggests Mr. Ellins, "he has made you think that the thing is
impossible, eh?"

"Think!" growls the major, glancin' suspicious at Old Hickory. "I say,
Ellins, what are you getting at? Still harping on that red tape notion,
are you? Perhaps you imagine this to be a case where, if you could only
turn loose your wonderful organization, you could work a miracle?"

"No, major," says Old Hickory. "We don't claim to work in miracles; but
when we decide that a thing ought to be done at a certain time--well,
generally it gets done."

"Just like that, eh?" grins the major sarcastic. "Really, Ellins, you
big business men are too good to be true. But see here; why not tap your
amazing efficiency for my benefit. This little job, for instance, which
one of our poor misguided captains reports as impossible within the time
limit. I suppose you would merely press a button and----"

"Not even that," breaks in Mr. Ellins. "I would simply turn it over to
Torchy here--and he'd do it."

The major glances at me careless and shrugs his shoulders. "My dear
Ellins," says he, "you probably don't realize it, but that's the sort of
stuff which adds to the horrors of war. Here you haven't the vaguest
idea as to what----"

"Perhaps," cuts in Old Hickory, "but I'll bet you a hundred to
twenty-five."

"Taken," says the major. Then he turns to me. "When can you start,
lieutenant?"

"As soon as I know where I'm starting for, sir," says I.

"How convenient," says he. "Well, then, here is an order on the New York
Telephone Co. for five spools of wire which you'll find stored somewhere
on Central Park South. See if you can get 'em."

"Yes, sir," says I. "And suppose I can?"

"Report to me at the Plutoria before 5:30 this afternoon," says he. "I
shall be having tea there. Ellins, you'd better be on hand, too, so that
I can collect that hundred."

And that's all there was to it. I'm handed a slip of paper carrying the
Quartermaster General's O. K., and while these two old sports are still
chucklin' at each other I've grabbed my uniform cap off the roll-top and
have caught an express elevator.

Course, I expected a frame-