ove many other klaims equally strong, but a' hope it's not
necessary to seduce any more. A' do think, if the Lord Chanceseller knew
of my qualifications, a' wouldn't be long off the bench. If, then, Sir
Tomas, you, who have so much influence, would write on my behalf, and
rekomend me to the custus rascalorum as a proper kandi-date, I could not
fail to sukceed in reaching the great point of my ambition, which is,
to be accommodated with a seat--anything would satisfy me--even a
close-stool--upon the magisterial bench. Amen, Sir Tomas.

"And have the honer to be,

"Your obedient and much obliged, and very thankful servant for what a'
got, as well as for what a' expect, Sir Tomas,

"Periwinkle Crackenfudge."

Sir Thomas--having perused this precious document, which, by the way,
contains no single fact that could not be substantiated by the clearest
testimony, so little are they at head-quarters acquainted with the
pranks that are played off on the unfortunate people by multitudes of
petty tyrants in remote districts of the country--Sir Thomas, we say,
having perused the aforesaid document, grinned--almost laughed--with a
satirical enjoyment of its contents.

"Very good," said he; "excellent: confound me, but Crackenfudge must get
to the bench, if it were only for the novelty of the thing. I will this
moment recommend him to Lord Cullamore, who is _custos rotulorum_ for
the county, and who would as soon, by the way, cut his right hand off as
recommend him to the Chancellor, if he knew the extent of his 'klaims,'
as the miserable devil spells it. Yes, I will recommend him, if it were
only to vex my brother baronet, Sir James B-----, who is humane, and
kind, and popular, forsooth, and a staunch advocate for purity of the
bench, and justice to the people! No doubt of it; I shall recommend you,
Crackenfudge, and cheek by jowl with the best among them, upon the same
magistorial bench, shall the doughty Crackenfudge sit."

He instantly sat down to his writing-desk, and penned as strong a
recommendation as he could possibly compose to Lord Cullamore, after
which he threw himself again upon the sofa, and exclaimed:

"Well, that act is done, and an iniquitous one it is; but no matter,
it is gone off to the post, and I'm rid of him.' Now for Lucy, and my
ambition; she is unquestionably with that shameless old woman who could
think of marrying at such an age. She is with her; she will hear of my
illness, and as certain as lif