I know what you are going
to say--try and put yourself into something like moral trim for the old
peer--is not that it? Do you know, Tom, I have some thoughts of becoming
religious? What is religion, Tom? You know we were talking about it
the other day. You said it was a capital thing for the world--that it
sharpened a man, and put him up to anything, and so on."

"What has put such a notion into your head now, my lord?"

"I don't know--nothing, I believe. Can religion be taught, Tom? Could
one, for instance, take lessons in it?"

"For what purpose do you propose it, my lord?"

"I don't know--for two or three purposes, I believe."

"Will your lordship state them?"

"Why, Tom, I should wish to do the old peer; and touching the baronet's
daughter, who is said to be very conscientious--which I suppose means
the same thing as religion--I should wish to--"

"To do her too," added Norton, laughing.

"Yes, I believe so; but I forget. Don't the pas'ns teach it?"

"Yes, my lord, by precept, most of them do; not so many by example."

"But it's the theory only I want. You don't suppose I intend to practice
religion, Tom, I hope?"

"No, my lord, I have a different opinion of your principles."

"Could you hire me a pas'n, to give lessons in it--say two a week--I
shall require to know something of it; for, my dear Tom, you are not
to be told that twelve thousand a year, and a beautiful girl, are worth
making an effort for. It is true she--Miss Gourlay, I mean--is not to be
spoken of in comparison with the cigar-man's daughter; but then, twelve
thousand a year, Tom--and the good old peer is threatening to curtail my
allowance. Or stay, Tom, would hypocrisy do as well as religion?"

"Every bit, my lord, so far as the world goes. Indeed, in point of fact,
it requires a very keen eye to discover the difference between them.
For one that practises religion, I there are five thousand who practise
hypocrisy."

"Could I get lessons in hypocrisy? Are there men set apart to teach it?
Are there, for instance, professors of hypocrisy as there are of music
and dancing?"

"Not exactly, my lord; but many of the professors of religion come very
nearly to the same point."

"How is that, Tom? Explain it, like a good fellow."

"Why a great number of them deal in both--that is to say, they teach
the one by their doctrine, and the other by their example. In different
words, they inculcate religion to others, and practise hypocrisy
th