r
of voices overhead. Anon steps sounded on the stairs, and Mr. Hatchard,
grave of face, entered the room.

"Outside!" he said, briefly.

"What!" said the astounded Mr. Sadler. "Why, it's eleven o'clock."

"I can't help it if it's twelve o'clock," was the reply. "You shouldn't
play the fool and spoil things by laughing. Now, are you going, or have
I got to put you out?"

He crossed the room and, putting his hand on the shoulder of the
protesting Mr. Sadler, pushed him into the passage, and taking his coat
from the peg held it up for him. Mr. Sadler, abandoning himself to his
fate, got into it slowly and indulged in a few remarks on the subject of
ingratitude.

"I can't help it," said his friend, in a low voice. "I've had to swear
I've never seen you before."

"Does she believe you?" said the staring Mr. Sadler, shivering at the
open door.

"No," said Mr. Hatchard, slowly, "but she pre-tends to."

SELF-HELP

The night-watchman sat brooding darkly over life and its troubles. A
shooting corn on the little toe of his left foot, and a touch of liver,
due, he was convinced, to the unlawful cellar work of the landlord of the
Queen's Head, had induced in him a vein of profound depression. A
discarded boot stood by his side, and his gray-stockinged foot protruded
over the edge of the jetty until a passing waterman gave it a playful rap
with his oar. A subsequent inquiry as to the price of pigs' trotters
fell on ears rendered deaf by suffering.

"I might 'ave expected it," said the watchman, at last. "I done that
man--if you can call him a man--a kindness once, and this is my reward
for it. Do a man a kindness, and years arterwards 'e comes along and
hits you over your tenderest corn with a oar."

[Illustration: "''E comes along and hits you over your tenderest corn
with a oar.'"]

He took up his boot, and, inserting his foot with loving care, stooped
down and fastened the laces.

Do a man a kindness, he continued, assuming a safer posture, and 'e tries
to borrow money off of you; do a woman a kindness and she thinks you want
tr marry 'er; do an animal a kindness and it tries to bite you--same as a
horse bit a sailorman I knew once, when 'e sat on its head to 'elp it get
up. He sat too far for'ard, pore chap.

Kindness never gets any thanks. I remember a man whose pal broke 'is leg
while they was working together unloading a barge; and he went off to
break the news to 'is pal's wife. A kind-